Grief comes to everyone in many forms, there are no exceptions to this rule. Grief teaches that the piercing arrows of tears can plunge deep within without warning . Grief takes us beyond the sentimental tear of the heart to the dark bottomless place in our soul where tears seem to continually fall silently. As humans, we are brought into this world with the first sounds of our crying and when we leave this world it will be the last sounds we understand. As we get older, we run into grief unexpectedly it is not taught to us and we must find our own way through this darkness. Grief does not come with a set of instructions and many times without a warning sign. Everyone’s experience with grief is unique and personal it is the one thing that we can share but, not give away. Grief is not something we can outgrow with age or overcome by learning a set of principles or even methods. Grief has a specific purpose it clarifies our vision and redefines what is important to us. It causes our soul to bleed, our hearts to break which allows us become tender ground again in order to replant seeds of faith and awaken our soul to realize that life is unpredictable. We may plan our lives out and accomplish many things but, grief is the intruder that comes without invitation that disrupts our plans. Unfortunately, grief is inevitable and everyone is going to experience grief many times throughout their lives.
How we react to grief when it comes into our lives will lead us to become wiser if we choose to embrace our grief as a teacher of mourning, loss and pain or we may pivot to the other end of the scale where grief makes us cynical, cold blooded and hard hearted then we push grief aside, turn ourselves away and avoid it’s pain at all costs. When grief arrives the choice will eventually come to each of us and we will have to decide which fork in the road we will take.
If we choose not to embrace our grief then we risk our ability to feel life fully and genuinely. This leads us to contract and suppress who we really are binding our soul’s voice and eyes leaving us lost. Many who have taken this path have found themselves shipwrecked on the rocks of their faith and have lost their ability to love. Eventually, this journey will affect their lives on every level, even affecting their health and costing them painful experiences in the relationships they have with others close to them. In order to live our lives fully and balanced we must learn to embrace grief as our teacher, accepting the beautiful with the ugly, the storms with the rainbows, the dark with the light and piercing pain with happy pleasures of joy.
It is at these dark moments in our lives when grief strikes like lightning bringing chaos unexpectedly that we begin to see and feel with defined clarity and raw emotion the frailty of life, the unknown factors that can change our plans at any moment, and the value of what is truly important to us allowing the chaff of the unimportant blow away in the wind. Grief is the Divine pruning tool that reveals to us what is special and important to us. It opens our eyes to give us the chance to change our attitudes about life, deepen the paths to our soul, love more intensely, speak more honestly, give more freely, and learn to appreciate what we have been given showing sincere gratitude in return.
Grief opens our heart to others feeling compassion for them, shedding our self absorbed mentality. We begin to start a shift within that we are not just here to live for ourselves but, for others as well. Going through the storm of grief we will begin to see the sun in the distance and gain an awareness that so much of what we thought was “ours” is temporal, continually changing and we begin to focus on the spiritual connections of our lives. Grief is deeply woven and multi faceted , it’s intensity can be a mirrored magnifying glass that will reveal to us what could take decades for us to see allowing us to grow while giving us new vision through our struggle and pain. It is through this powerful magnifying glass of the soul that what was out of focus is brought into full distinct view and we find ourselves facing the mysterious writing on the walls of our heart with Divine interpretation.
As odd as it may seem grief is a sorrowful gift, odd in it’s appearance, cloaked in sadness and as brutal as it may feel it grants us the ability and gifts necessary to fulfill our destiny while defining our truth, intentions and understanding that regret unlike mistakes in life cannot be changed. Although, grief can be extremely painful and unfair grief is not an enemy in fact, grief is apart of life without any distinctions. This is not to be mistaken that grief is a game of odd’s or Divine roulette as though, God and the Universe were throwing darts at us. There are reasons for everything that happen or there are no reasons and nothing makes sense. When in the worst of circumstances we despise those sickening words that others say to us even if they maybe true and well meant, still no one wants to hear in their dark hour, ” There is a reason for everything” or ” Be positive and concentrate on the good”.
If we surrender to the pain and embrace our grief we most likely will find ourselves crying our souls dry leaving us paralyzed, numb and feeling empty. As difficult as this may be it is not a bad thing , tears hold great power as medicine for the soul. Our tears have the ability to wash the windows of the heart when we have lost our vision. If we can find the inner strength through our trust in the Divine, we may still not find all the answers to our questions but, we will sooner or later absolutely find the purpose of our grief. We can learn how to take the dark ugly coal that we have had to dig through much blood, sweat and tears, perplexed with questions and unearth from our soul from the coal of pain diamonds of wisdom that hold within them the power of resurrection.
Gaining the understanding that when grief comes, like all things ” this too shall pass’, branding us with tender scars but, not without giving us the gift of a deeper faith. It is our faith in God in the middle of the uncontrollable events of life that becomes the rock that we hold onto. It is a extremely conflicting moment within when we come to the valley of decision to trust God when you feel betrayed, wounded, confused or even feel abandoned. Although, I have a ” religious” background I speak now from the “spiritual experience” I have had to face in my life that we all must come to the valley of our decision.
We are all spiritual eternal beings having a human temporary experience that we call life. I find comfort through those who have gone before us that have endured unsurmountable hardships and yet, have conquered against all odds accomplishing great things. One person who I look to is Jesus who used His life to accomplish a Divine destiny and to free those from the delusions of religious hypocrisy. Jesus was just a man, although He was the son of God in flesh, as it is written in the Bible He lived His life on the Earth just the same as you and I, He was born into this world as we were and He died just like we all will. Jesus knew He was born with a Divine destiny and purpose just as each of us are as well, which did not save him from experiencing deeply moving moments of grief, betrayal, confusion and pain. Let’s think about this for a moment, lets take away the “religious” super hero and look at Jesus, the man. Jesus was a man and yet, in all respects He was the Christ according to the Bible and Jesus was not spared grief to the point of being so confused that it would lead him to feel lost and doubt, crying and sweating blood in the darkest moments of His destiny. Here is a spiritual leader of His time and He was beat, spit on, brutalized, and carried His cross down the streets of Jerusalem just like any ordinary man. This human man had to drag the instrument of his own death which spiritually held all mankind’s grief that was written by the unseen hand of God.
As Jesus hung on that cross He experienced grief, doubt and even felt abandoned experiencing that moment that was all this pain worthy and was He mistaken about His own destiny. So many of us have experienced those moments in our lives where we all find ourselves in our deepest, darkest and distressful dark night of the soul sensing we are alone. The confusion we feel after we have given, prayed, trusted God, had faith and followed all the ” rules” when we are faced with grief lead us to a deeper understanding that faith and trust are very different in definition. I look at Jesus and his life because He is a factual person and the events of His life are verifiable. As Jesus hung on the cross He spoke very little, He insured that His mother was cared for, He cried out in front of his accusers and believers the question that expressed his great doubt in greatest moment of grief that He felt He was abandoned by His Heavenly Father God, and finally at the end withHis last breath Jesus held fast to His Divine purpose and vision by saying, ” Father forgive them for they know not what they do”.
Even Jesus this man had to see through his pain, sorrow, confusion and embrace His pain to trust God that the ordinary was powerful enough to become extraordinary and regain His vision and purpose for this undefinable grief. Studying even this most powerful life that performed such great acts of faith, still even at that moment of grief had to embrace his cross, pain and grief to regain a deeper and greater vision.
All of us have a Divine destiny and purpose, even Judas, we all have a part in this story we call life. Embracing our grief gives us the opportunity to see that there is a Divine purpose to life. We must learn to trust the plan of the Divine to see through the pain of our grief and take the hand of God as we walk through the valley where we will begin to see the lily’s along the way. It is a huge spiritual step of progress to realize that faith is not trust and surrender to God’s plans for our life even when it appears to us and feels as though we are being destroyed accepting that there is a purpose for everything.
When we begin to realize that in life we are given spiritual teachers that each one has a purpose to teach us something only it can and giving to us the gift only it carries. These teachers are not the ones with degrees hanging on their walls, or spiritual gurus or mentors which we all need spiritual support throughout our lives. These Divine teachers of grief, sorrow, forgiveness, brokenness, loss and joy, peace, love, faith and trust are all sent to us many times throughout our life. Our attitude is to be willing to embrace the teacher and learn the lesson which always leaves a gift. This is true spiritual growth and all the books, classes or studies one can do could never teach the soul these lessons. One may teach the mind but, it is the soul where we wrestle with God that we find true spiritual growth and wisdom.
So whatever you maybe facing today we must remember that the embracing the pain and accepting our grief teaches us to trust God. As Job aid, ” Though He slay me I will still love Him”, this is the ground that is tilled by our steadfast trust and tilled with our tears that will bring us spiritual wisdom and peace. As Job was blessed so we will be if we hold fast and remembering that ” This too shall pass and we will smile again”. @sks2018
“What takes precious time to make only takes seconds to break like the fluted glass that has fallen – it reflects the pieces of its resignation”
THE CRYSTAL SOUL
My heart is broken beyond repair. Like a fine crystal glass that has fallen onto the floor into so many tiny pieces that reflect and bear witness it was once there and was held and full of joy.
To not feel a gentle soft touch
a kindness that sinks no deeper than a smile or a word.
To forget the touch that is so slow, soft and being held ever so tenderly
to be cared for with the deepest of compassion. To feel the joy of intense sharing the oneness that only two may share. To laugh and laugh with…. to be adored …to be admired
to be liked… and thought of and treated with the sincerest respect. To know that there is one who holds you deep within and writes your name on the walls of their heart. To matter to the utmost and to be shown in the quiet gentle movements and moments that take your breath away or make you wish time did not exist. To look into the eyes of another and see yourself blooming Like the rose or to see your soul dancing among the lilies … To lay your head down against someone’s heart and believe that in every beat is the mention of your name. To believe in and be believed in with total validation, honesty and truth. To have light and breathe in the light of another and know there is no darkness, no hidden secrets to find or harmful thoughts to injure. To be told and believe that you’re the reason for their joy, peace and love … That everyday your smile makes someone feel loved and alive… the magical power of a simple smile. I wanted to know what love was and you showed me love in its season of glorious colors. But the colors are fading into the gray. I am lucky to have had at least that moment when one can say I have known all this at least even for a season in their lifetime is more than most could ever know. To have walked through the park where dreams and promises unfold. I walk away now inside I resign from the fallen position that has broken my spirit and my heart. I leave this empty space where ghosts only live and only cause one to look back in sorrow and painful dismay. I understand what it is now to be alone inside and out…. To be unnoticed or held in contempt for who I am and who I am not. To be seethed as the liar, the cheat and the thief. To have my crown of pearls, diamonds and gold taken from me and pushed down off from this beautiful pedestal of love that I held precious and so dear. I have fallen so far and it is a perpetual momentum that becomes this sad slow torture as I see what I use to have and what was of this person I have now become. I am gone! I have become like the ghosts… Those who so many times have tortured me because they too once had souls that were not broken. Farewell to love, farewell to myself… Farewell to you… my love. Winter has come and the winds have blown the ashes of my soul away in their bitter cold hands. My dreams have become like the leaves on the trees one by one they are gone each one dying. The sun has hidden its face and snow has covered my footprints as though I never was in this park of dreams. But in the distance a red bird sings hoping for spring again for you and for me. Because one cannot resign hope without breath. The season has changed it is the way of life nothing lasts… But under the winter snow you will find new footprints and the trees will clap their hands once again… The sun will smile and the loyal red bird will still sing.
“For your eyes have seen my unshaped flesh”
Pg. 27 Zohar
Hello. It’s been almost a year since I posted on my blog. During this past year I have been through some major changes and losses. Two of those were the death of my brother from cancer last March and a very close friend in May. This past year has been a very deep learning experience for me and a long road. I am glad to be back here and I look forward to posting here again. Writing is a great outlet for me but, unfortunately this past year has not afforded me the time that I have needed to get alone with my thoughts on a level that I could actually put them down in words. So I am back let’s give it a whirl!
In the stillness of the void I find peace and focus. The knowledge I seek is not in this quiet place. This is the place where knowledge does not hold value and strength is of no consequence. In this place of quiet solitude I find rest from the weary circumstances that exist in reality the other dimension of space and time where there is wresting, striving and worry. This peaceful place does not need words so prayer is not a means of communicating it is the void and yet the fulness it gives is a mystery. In this place I can see that these things that trouble me are mostly illusions of my own design or problems that are so unrealistic it makes me wonder what is the problem that perplexes me. We see ourselves in this state of reality where we believe what is revealed to us on the terms of human abilities as a functional and intelligent reality that appears to control this temporal world. We are mere flesh, bone and blood living organisms that can change and are constantly changing every second.I look through the void and I see the corruptible and I realize that the diseases of our body are just flesh and blood a system that needs order. these things can not be impossible when one looks at the sun, the moon, the stars, the whole solar system is in complete order and synchronicity. At peace with the order of the system. Looking through the void at the complete design and order of the universe and then looking at these finite systems we call bodies. it makes me wonder how can so much that is completely in order harbor so much disorder. our bodies are not stone carved and disease written in stone. No we truly are marvelously made so much so that we outshine the universe in it’s marvelous workings that we display every second within ourselves marvelous miracles of order and healing. Cells that are out of order can be put back into order and start to operate the way they were originally created and intended. It is as though Someone could touch and reboot our system button and put everything that is out of order back into place properly without any chaos or viruses. it appears that in this place where there is no movement, no sound, where there is no chaos and when one looks beyond the boundaries of this void all around is chaos and disorder. it can be compared to being within the castle walls of a fortress where the kingdom is perfectly in order and at peace and outside everything is chaotic and violent banging on the walls wanting in. I sit in this place where it appears nothing exists and what I see is that the reality that we are accustomed to and believe to be real can be manipulated and recreated because it exists in a state of constant fluidity. It is not carved in stone or of any permanent consequence. Your mind has the power to re-create this dimension and create reality on new or different terms. The void is the place the never changes it is the place or eternal position. the place of creation and all that inspires is born here and yet no one who is temporally minded a can comprehend it’s workings. In this place the less, the weak, is the more powerful to create. You create by thought, not strength there is no need for brut strength or intellectualism. Our idea of intelligence is not to be of any consequence or interpretable in the void. You may ask why it’s called a void. Void sounds like a word of non existence. But in actuality, that is our interpretation. I call it the “void”, because it is a place of awakened conscience and exists within us and lacks nothing but does not give you the impression of anything except openness and freedom. It is quiet and still and no movement appears but, yet in it’s unique stillness all is known and it is the place where exists is not a fact but, in every way a place of knowing and being known. A connecting that can be described as a lost child when it finds it’s mother and beyond that to a taking your place in the gap that only younger created and designed uniquely to fill in the chain of an ancient display of Divine Intention and Will.
There are three words that keep running through my mind… The first is “faith”, the second is “trust” and the last is “no guarantees… Okay that was two words! All religions teach us to have faith… faith in God, Jesus, Allah, Buddha and so on. We even make the effort to have faith in one another although usually and quite often faith in others is quickly understood as the “wild card”.
I have struggled with these three words continually in my life and always have found myself coming to a place where I have felt that they have failed me at a time when I thought for sure that they would pull me through. I am not saying that faith or trust have never carried me through some tough times in my life because that would be so far from the truth. I am expressing the times in my life when I absolutely thought that I was holding onto these ideas and thought I was “safe” and then found myself completely devastated.
What I have to come to understand, at least up to this point in my journey is that there are “no guarantees”… Wouldn’t it be terrific when something does not work out in our life for us we could take it back to God and say this is not working I would like my money back or an exchange please”. But, unfortunately that is not how life works.
One can be the master champion of faith and trust but this does not relieve anyone from having to endure trouble, heartache, pain and loss. In fact, when you study those who had great faith they endured more suffering than I would care to sign up for.
So what is the answer to this dilemma of having faith and trust but with no guarantees? What is the purpose of faith or trust if they do not at least have some reliability in this life that will help us when enduring trouble? Is it just the crutch that we use to get through a rough spot until it passes? Is just having a belief in a power (God) that is greater than us who sees everything and we believe that he is in control? What benefits do we derive from having such Nobel qualities?
I have known many mothers who had great faith in God that have lost children to sickness and accidents. Did their faith and trust not protect them from such terrible devastating circumstances? In the end we have to conclude that faith and trust do not guarantee us that we are going to escape the “bad” in this life.
I have faith and trust in God, the Universe and the Power of Creation… I have to come to realize that I must make choices that can affect my destiny in different ways bringing different results. My part in this drama of life is to seek conscious contact with a power greater than myself and to realize that I have been given gifts and talents that are to be used to create synergistic energy in this world that will facilitate the change that it was destined to bring about. My faith must be utilized and transformed into the idea that it is there not to just believe in a Person, or an Energy, but it is there to perform an action for the greater good . Faith without works is dead… Trust without commitment is useless…. The axiom is to come to the understanding and the process of taking those past experiences that made us question faith and trust and look at them through the microscope of self introspection.
No guarantee! Would you believe in God or a Power, Energy greater than yourself if you could not gain anything at all? Why do we say we “love” God? Have we really asked ourselves the “raw” faith and trust questions that need to be asked? Most of us believe in God because we don’t want to go to hell (fear)… to love someone because you are afraid of punishment… sounds like an abusive marriage. Some believe in a sacrifice of love that paid for their sins but, although this is a Nobel sacrifice the bottom line is that the sacrifice was made in order that we do not go to hell. Why do you believe in eternity? Why do you believe that there is a spiritual realm? Does believing in these ideas bring a valued benefit to your life?
We must come to the place where we build the bridge between the idea of faith and trust over the waters of understanding to the other side where we actually gain the benefits of why we have faith and trust and the purpose they are suppose to carry out in our lives. They are not to be worn as medals of accomplishment on our sashes of spirituality.
Can we take everything that we believe in and lay it out on the table and examine it thoroughly? After examination is it possible that if there was something (anything) that you realize could be questionable that you would put it aside and come to the conclusion that this must be re-evaluated. Re-evaluating my understanding of what I thought was true does not change the value of what is Truth. All it means is that I must start on journey, a spiritual quest of discovery to gain a new understanding without walls or limitations. I think it is extremely hard for us to really “Let go and let God”… in that phrase, I mean that we have been trained and indoctrinated to the point of a fearful existence. We actually believe that God, the Universe, or GOMU ( God Of My Understanding) would be slighted and actually get bent out of shape or worse yet, we would drift away from Him or It ( whichever the case maybe be) and we would be lost in the black hole of spiritual darkness only to plummet into the abyss of hell. I pose this question….
How primitive we are in our faith and trust of an all knowing, all powerful and Infinite Love that we actually believe that is what would or could happen to us for seeking the truth. Fear! This is the enemy that paralyzes us from moving out and expanding our spiritual connection to Truth. FEAR! Is the stumbling “mountain” not a small stumbling block that tells us we had better not change our ideas and beliefs because then we will be heretics? If I burned the Bible would that kill Jesus or Jehovah? The Bible is a book… not a religion. It is a guide… the “Word” that was in the beginning (Genesis 1:1) is not the word on a piece of paper that will disintegrate in time. There are so many of these false systems of belief that we hold onto for dear life that have kept us from moving forward.
I think it can summed up in these words, “ The joy is in the journey and if we are not on a journey of discovery then we are stagnate in a land of frustration and boredom” Having faith can be equated to being an inventor or a scientist of spirituality… there are always new discoveries that are not really “ new” just new to us because we were willing to look for them that can bring greater clarity and knowledge to our questions and understanding of what we now ask “Why?” which happens to be the most common question.
The first question is… “Are you willing to let go?”