Hello. It’s been almost a year since I posted on my blog. During this past year I have been through some major changes and losses. Two of those were the death of my brother from cancer last March and a very close friend in May. This past year has been a very deep learning experience for me and a long road. I am glad to be back here and I look forward to posting here again. Writing is a great outlet for me but, unfortunately this past year has not afforded me the time that I have needed to get alone with my thoughts on a level that I could actually put them down in words. So I am back let’s give it a whirl!
I have been on a quest, a journey, a spiritual expedition one might call it for some time now…. I cut the rope from the dock of all that I knew to be my belief system and trusted that God was bigger than the dock and stronger than a rope. God was (GOMU) God of my understanding because I had to confess that what I thought I knew about God was like an ant saying it understands quantum physics. It was more than a “leap of faith”; it was so much more and required blind trust. I guess one could summarize it as when a child who cannot swim who is standing at the edge of the pool and the parent says to the child “jump!”… And the child jumps towards the parent. The belief that God’s love and grace is greater to protect me and keep me from these winds of uncertainty is all that I could take with me. I think we are afraid to let go because we think if we let go we will end up in “hell” or some place of darkness and disillusion. It was a very difficult action to take but… I came to a place in my life where I knew that I could not go any further in the Spirit if I did not let go of the past and all that I knew to be faith as I knew it. The past did not just include the bad things but, the good as well. I know that is probably very hard for some to hear, believe me I wrestled with it like Jacob wrestled with the angel for more than just a night!
It has been a very intense and tumultuous journey but, I know now that I have made the right choice. I have come to the place where I moved into a different dimension with my faith and who I am. I have gazed into the cosmic mirrors of self-realization and where there was once no reflection – I now see. Being the person that I am today I guess you could say that my spirituality is like a diamond with many facets. With colors constantly changing as the light hits each one like dancing lights, fluidity is the movement and constancy is its life.
As you move forward on the journey into the unknown you realize that there are many who have gone before you and that you are not alone. This journey is a path that the further you travel on it, the less you can take with you. There has been so much baggage I have had to throw overboard. Unforgiveness, resentments, hatred, arrogance, ignorance, prejudice, fear, self-pity, pride, beliefs, systems, ideas, dreams, ego, habits and memories. I have had to even throw overboard some of those “bags” that I thought were filled with “good”, as well.
We are such creatures of habit that it is almost impossible for God to get us to let go of the side of the pool to learn to swim. We would rather hold on to the side for the rest of our lives because it “feels” safe than learn what we must do to “be” safe. I had to let “go” and it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.
Spirituality is a mediator and religion is a divider. I have realized that to grow and to move in this dimensional existence that I must maintain the mind of mediation. My faith is living, breathing and moving… I walk in it and it is in every breath that I breathe. I am not here to judge or be judged. I am not here to convert or be converted. I am here to connect and share, to give and respect all things in love and truth. Ghandi said “I like your Christ… but I don’t much like your Christians”, what a statement…. I am sure Ghandi could have said that about me at one time in my life. Religion is a state of mind and spirituality is a state of being. They are at such opposite ends of the spectrum. One is a big block of cement and the other is a river – the best analogy I can come up with. For so long I carried my faith like a heavy block of cement or marble… I carved out a beautiful sculpture with all I had experienced and learned. It was gorgeous! But boy was that “icon” hard to pull around! But at least I could show it off and it looked so beautiful! It is amazing to realize that it was the heaviest and first thing to be left at the dock when I left on my spiritual expedition!
Faith is now like a river of energy that I exist in and it exists in me. It is not an object, a medal, a reward or something that is inanimate. It is constantly fluid and moving it keeps me in the state of being. It is the place where there is clarity, focus, and balance. It is the place of purpose and peace, being in the moment. I think that has been one of the hardest things I have had to release my mind and focus it on is “THE MOMENT”. I have always lived my life “in the past” or “in the future” but… hardly ever “NOW”! That in itself is liberation to know that the past is gone and tomorrow never comes. To be here “NOW” realizing that if I relinquish myself to “NOW” that what I am called to do, my purpose will draw me and place me where I need to be at every moment. Living each moment as a Divine appointment!
God, the Universe and Creation have given us so many tools. There are so many spiritual abilities and senses that we are not utilizing that are available to us “NOW”. We are not here on this earth just so we can get through school to die and move on. We are here for a reason and we are in agreement with that call and purpose. Many of us feel “stuck” and frustrated because we are trying to move our mountains with spoons when there are 100 bulldozers parked right behind us or we may be pulling our beautifully carved sculptures behind us. This is the most amazing reality is that we are not utilizing all these wonderful tools that we have been given to help us help others and to answer the questions “who am I and Why am I here?” There is a question that people ask “Do you want to be happy or right?” usually that question is asked when people are quarreling! I guess the question today is “Do we want to live in a state of mind or a state of being?” These states are two totally different ways of existing right “NOW”.