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Why me? The Power of Grief!

Grief comes to everyone in many forms, there are no exceptions to this rule. Grief teaches that the piercing arrows of tears can plunge deep within without warning . Grief takes us beyond the sentimental tear of the heart to the dark bottomless place in our soul where tears seem to continually fall silently. As humans, we are brought into this world with the first sounds of our crying and when we leave this world it will be the last sounds we understand. As we get older, we run into grief unexpectedly it is not taught to us and we must find our own way through this darkness. Grief does not come with a set of instructions and many times without a warning sign. Everyone’s experience with grief is unique and personal it is the one thing that we can share but, not give away. Grief is not something we can outgrow with age or overcome by learning a set of principles or even methods. Grief has a specific purpose it clarifies our vision and redefines what is important to us. It causes our soul to bleed, our hearts to break which allows us become tender ground again in order to replant seeds of faith and awaken our soul to realize that life is unpredictable. We may plan our lives out and accomplish many things but, grief is the intruder that comes without invitation that disrupts our plans. Unfortunately, grief is inevitable and everyone is going to experience grief many times throughout their lives.

How we react to grief when it comes into our lives will lead us to become wiser if we choose to embrace our grief as a teacher of mourning, loss and pain or we may pivot to the other end of the scale where grief makes us cynical, cold blooded and hard hearted then we push grief aside, turn ourselves away and avoid it’s pain at all costs. When grief arrives the choice will eventually come to each of us and we will have to decide which fork in the road we will take.

If we choose not to embrace our grief then we risk our ability to feel life fully and genuinely. This leads us to contract and suppress who we really are binding our soul’s voice and eyes leaving us lost. Many who have taken this path have found themselves shipwrecked on the rocks of their faith and have lost their ability to love. Eventually, this journey will affect their lives on every level, even affecting their health and costing them painful experiences in the relationships they have with others close to them. In order to live our lives fully and balanced we must learn to embrace grief as our teacher, accepting the beautiful with the ugly, the storms with the rainbows, the dark with the light and piercing pain with happy pleasures of joy.

It is at these dark moments in our lives when grief strikes like lightning bringing chaos unexpectedly that we begin to see and feel with defined clarity and raw emotion the frailty of life, the unknown factors that can change our plans at any moment, and the value of what is truly important to us allowing the chaff of the unimportant blow away in the wind. Grief is the Divine pruning tool that reveals to us what is special and important to us. It opens our eyes to give us the chance to change our attitudes about life, deepen the paths to our soul, love more intensely, speak more honestly, give more freely, and learn to appreciate what we have been given showing sincere gratitude in return.

Grief opens our heart to others feeling compassion for them, shedding our self absorbed mentality. We begin to start a shift within that we are not just here to live for ourselves but, for others as well. Going through the storm of grief we will begin to see the sun in the distance and gain an awareness that so much of what we thought was “ours” is temporal, continually changing and we begin to focus on the spiritual connections of our lives. Grief is deeply woven and multi faceted , it’s intensity can be a mirrored magnifying glass that will reveal to us what could take decades for us to see allowing us to grow while giving us new vision through our struggle and pain. It is through this powerful magnifying glass of the soul that what was out of focus is brought into full distinct view and we find ourselves facing the mysterious writing on the walls of our heart with Divine interpretation.

As odd as it may seem grief is a sorrowful gift, odd in it’s appearance, cloaked in sadness and as brutal as it may feel it grants us the ability and gifts necessary to fulfill our destiny while defining our truth, intentions and understanding that regret unlike mistakes in life cannot be changed. Although, grief can be extremely painful and unfair grief is not an enemy in fact, grief is apart of life without any distinctions. This is not to be mistaken that grief is a game of odd’s or Divine roulette as though, God and the Universe were throwing darts at us. There are reasons for everything that happen or there are no reasons and nothing makes sense. When in the worst of circumstances we despise those sickening words that others say to us even if they maybe true and well meant, still no one wants to hear in their dark hour, ” There is a reason for everything” or ” Be positive and concentrate on the good”.

If we surrender to the pain and embrace our grief we most likely will find ourselves crying our souls dry leaving us paralyzed, numb and feeling empty. As difficult as this may be it is not a bad thing , tears hold great power as medicine for the soul. Our tears have the ability to wash the windows of the heart when we have lost our vision. If we can find the inner strength through our trust in the Divine, we may still not find all the answers to our questions but, we will sooner or later absolutely find the purpose of our grief. We can learn how to take the dark ugly coal that we have had to dig through much blood, sweat and tears, perplexed with questions and unearth from our soul from the coal of pain diamonds of wisdom that hold within them the power of resurrection.

Gaining the understanding that when grief comes, like all things ” this too shall pass’, branding us with tender scars but, not without giving us the gift of a deeper faith. It is our faith in God in the middle of the uncontrollable events of life that becomes the rock that we hold onto. It is a extremely conflicting moment within when we come to the valley of decision to trust God when you feel betrayed, wounded, confused or even feel abandoned. Although, I have a ” religious” background I speak now from the “spiritual experience” I have had to face in my life that we all must come to the valley of our decision.

We are all spiritual eternal beings having a human temporary experience that we call life. I find comfort through those who have gone before us that have endured unsurmountable hardships and yet, have conquered against all odds accomplishing great things. One person who I look to is Jesus who used His life to accomplish a Divine destiny and to free those from the delusions of religious hypocrisy. Jesus was just a man, although He was the son of God in flesh, as it is written in the Bible He lived His life on the Earth just the same as you and I, He was born into this world as we were and He died just like we all will. Jesus knew He was born with a Divine destiny and purpose just as each of us are as well, which did not save him from experiencing deeply moving moments of grief, betrayal, confusion and pain. Let’s think about this for a moment, lets take away the “religious” super hero and look at Jesus, the man. Jesus was a man and yet, in all respects He was the Christ according to the Bible and Jesus was not spared grief to the point of being so confused that it would lead him to feel lost and doubt, crying and sweating blood in the darkest moments of His destiny. Here is a spiritual leader of His time and He was beat, spit on, brutalized, and carried His cross down the streets of Jerusalem just like any ordinary man. This human man had to drag the instrument of his own death which spiritually held all mankind’s grief that was written by the unseen hand of God.

As Jesus hung on that cross He experienced grief, doubt and even felt abandoned experiencing that moment that was all this pain worthy and was He mistaken about His own destiny. So many of us have experienced those moments in our lives where we all find ourselves in our deepest, darkest and distressful dark night of the soul sensing we are alone. The confusion we feel after we have given, prayed, trusted God, had faith and followed all the ” rules” when we are faced with grief lead us to a deeper understanding that faith and trust are very different in definition. I look at Jesus and his life because He is a factual person and the events of His life are verifiable. As Jesus hung on the cross He spoke very little, He insured that His mother was cared for, He cried out in front of his accusers and believers the question that expressed his great doubt in greatest moment of grief that He felt He was abandoned by His Heavenly Father God, and finally at the end withHis last breath Jesus held fast to His Divine purpose and vision by saying, ” Father forgive them for they know not what they do”.

Even Jesus this man had to see through his pain, sorrow, confusion and embrace His pain to trust God that the ordinary was powerful enough to become extraordinary and regain His vision and purpose for this undefinable grief. Studying even this most powerful life that performed such great acts of faith, still even at that moment of grief had to embrace his cross, pain and grief to regain a deeper and greater vision.

All of us have a Divine destiny and purpose, even Judas, we all have a part in this story we call life. Embracing our grief gives us the opportunity to see that there is a Divine purpose to life. We must learn to trust the plan of the Divine to see through the pain of our grief and take the hand of God as we walk through the valley where we will begin to see the lily’s along the way. It is a huge spiritual step of progress to realize that faith is not trust and surrender to God’s plans for our life even when it appears to us and feels as though we are being destroyed accepting that there is a purpose for everything.

When we begin to realize that in life we are given spiritual teachers that each one has a purpose to teach us something only it can and giving to us the gift only it carries. These teachers are not the ones with degrees hanging on their walls, or spiritual gurus or mentors which we all need spiritual support throughout our lives. These Divine teachers of grief, sorrow, forgiveness, brokenness, loss and joy, peace, love, faith and trust are all sent to us many times throughout our life. Our attitude is to be willing to embrace the teacher and learn the lesson which always leaves a gift. This is true spiritual growth and all the books, classes or studies one can do could never teach the soul these lessons. One may teach the mind but, it is the soul where we wrestle with God that we find true spiritual growth and wisdom.

So whatever you maybe facing today we must remember that the embracing the pain and accepting our grief teaches us to trust God. As Job aid, ” Though He slay me I will still love Him”, this is the ground that is tilled by our steadfast trust and tilled with our tears that will bring us spiritual wisdom and peace. As Job was blessed so we will be if we hold fast and remembering that ” This too shall pass and we will smile again”. @sks2018



Hello.  It’s been almost a year since I posted on my blog.  During this past year I have been through some major changes and losses.  Two of those were the death of my brother from cancer last March and a very close friend in May.  This past year has been a very deep learning experience for me and a long road.  I am glad to be back here and I look forward to posting here again.  Writing is a great outlet for me but, unfortunately this past year has not afforded me the time that I have needed to get alone with my thoughts on a level that I could actually put them down in words.  So I am back let’s give it a whirl!

Conscious Contact with LOVE

Love this word holds the meaning of life and death. Without it there is no light and with it all the colors seem to gleam with clarity beyond the natural depth of what can be seen by the natural eye. Men and women have been known to die for this idea of LOVE or miraculously live. Most of us search for LOVE our entire lives seeking to find it as if it were a hidden treasure or an elusive dream. We yearn for its existence and yet at times despise the very thought of its reality. LOVE has more meanings than probably any word ever known to man. To each person it has its own decisive definition and emotion. We consider it a verb and action of the body, mind soul and spirit as if we actually possess it as one of our human emotions such as hate, sadness or joy. The intense need for LOVE in our lives will lead us to even cause us to find animals to facilitate the ability to express this emotion. LOVE has its own language, a universal language of the soul that needs no particular words or song to communicate its intense heat. It can be caught by the glance of the eyes from the touch of a hand and yet can be as strong as a blow of death or a kiss that resuscitates the soul. The loss of LOVE from our lives can bring us to our knees and the grip of it can quicken the heart. Most of us have understood love as an action a verb, something that we do or feel. But I pose the question to you for consideration what if LOVE is a noun, a being and a friend? What if those who search for it in others realized that it is to be found within them? To know LOVE as something more than a mutual feeling between two people. To actually come to know LOVE not in others but as its own separate entity. Why should we spend our lives looking for this LOVE? When our hearts are broken is it LOVE’S fault? I write this perspective to challenge you to consider LOVE more than what you have ever known or conceived? What if all that you ever thought about LOVE was twisted because you were taught that LOVE was an emotion instead of a person. The Bible says God is LOVE… and yet, we still think that LOVE is something that God gives to us like a gift. If God is LOVE then LOVE is God? If there is no God then LOVE is just a turbulent emotion that we experience without any rhyme or reason. It comes and it goes. What if you could actually get to know LOVE? Not love through another person…. Although… that is how we share LOVE to one another. But to find LOVE first on your own … To learn what LOVE is. So much of what we have been taught about God and Love has been twisted by the ideas of men. Religion has created such fear within that if we don’t hold to some particular doctrine of faith or ideas then surely we are not blessed or protected by God. We have been taught what to believe by those who have been taught by men before them…. Like the story that is whispered down the grape vine until it becomes so convoluted with the ideas and misconceptions of others interpretations that we believe something that is so far from its original intent and meaning. The greatest disservice is the fact that we are actually taught not to seek outside this box and open ourselves up to allow ourselves the honor and privilege of finding God and LOVE on our own. LOVE has been twisted in many of the same ways as the idea we hold in our minds about who is God. Many say I just want someone to love me… or someone to love. When in actuality we must first know LOVE before we can actually give LOVE. There are those who don’t have love and need love. They have been burnt by the love of others. This idea of love that we have inherited from others. This love that we pass around like some sexually transmitted disease. You may think that this is harsh and hard to accept but… what if you could change your idea about LOVE? And what if those change of ideas – changed your life? The wholeness that we seek so desperately is not found in others it is found in LOVE. When we connect with others we find relationship and emotion…. But unless we understand and know LOVE that relationship can change and when it does the emotion we call “love”: changes with it. How can LOVE bear all things? Where is this kind of LOVE? When I read in the Bible what is described as love in Corinthians I think to myself that my dogs understand those words better than most people. I don’t mean to be humorous but how can I not actually see that? We love our children (most of us do but when I read the paper or hear the news lately that idea seems quite warped as well) but, many of us understand the feeling of love for a child or a parent. I believe that this is LOVE in action. Remember this is not about having love or showing love…. This is about KNOWING LOVE! Don’t you want to know who LOVE is? Have you ever even entertained such a thought? Most of consider the thoughts about God and who He is…. LOVE has inspired more prayers and songs than any other emotion. Maybe ….. Just Maybe? We could lay down our idea about love that we have been taught or even felt and ask LOVE to teach us, to be our friend? To change our hearts and minds? If we could know LOVE ( this person … noun) instead of the verb ( emotion) we may find a whole new world and the wholeness we seek that comes from the inside out instead of the outside in. LOVE is a teacher…… What must we learn? Our relationships fail in so many ways because we don’t understand love. If we can know God personally…. Shouldn’t we know LOVE? Changing our view that love is not just an emotion but an actual person ( being) is the beginning of changing the way we think about “ love”. Give it a try what do you have to lose? And what will you gain? For if a man acquires all the wealth in the world and has love…. He has nothing……… SKG 10.25.2012

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