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Why me? The Power of Grief!

Grief comes to everyone in many forms, there are no exceptions to this rule. Grief teaches that the piercing arrows of tears can plunge deep within without warning . Grief takes us beyond the sentimental tear of the heart to the dark bottomless place in our soul where tears seem to continually fall silently. As humans, we are brought into this world with the first sounds of our crying and when we leave this world it will be the last sounds we understand. As we get older, we run into grief unexpectedly it is not taught to us and we must find our own way through this darkness. Grief does not come with a set of instructions and many times without a warning sign. Everyone’s experience with grief is unique and personal it is the one thing that we can share but, not give away. Grief is not something we can outgrow with age or overcome by learning a set of principles or even methods. Grief has a specific purpose it clarifies our vision and redefines what is important to us. It causes our soul to bleed, our hearts to break which allows us become tender ground again in order to replant seeds of faith and awaken our soul to realize that life is unpredictable. We may plan our lives out and accomplish many things but, grief is the intruder that comes without invitation that disrupts our plans. Unfortunately, grief is inevitable and everyone is going to experience grief many times throughout their lives.

How we react to grief when it comes into our lives will lead us to become wiser if we choose to embrace our grief as a teacher of mourning, loss and pain or we may pivot to the other end of the scale where grief makes us cynical, cold blooded and hard hearted then we push grief aside, turn ourselves away and avoid it’s pain at all costs. When grief arrives the choice will eventually come to each of us and we will have to decide which fork in the road we will take.

If we choose not to embrace our grief then we risk our ability to feel life fully and genuinely. This leads us to contract and suppress who we really are binding our soul’s voice and eyes leaving us lost. Many who have taken this path have found themselves shipwrecked on the rocks of their faith and have lost their ability to love. Eventually, this journey will affect their lives on every level, even affecting their health and costing them painful experiences in the relationships they have with others close to them. In order to live our lives fully and balanced we must learn to embrace grief as our teacher, accepting the beautiful with the ugly, the storms with the rainbows, the dark with the light and piercing pain with happy pleasures of joy.

It is at these dark moments in our lives when grief strikes like lightning bringing chaos unexpectedly that we begin to see and feel with defined clarity and raw emotion the frailty of life, the unknown factors that can change our plans at any moment, and the value of what is truly important to us allowing the chaff of the unimportant blow away in the wind. Grief is the Divine pruning tool that reveals to us what is special and important to us. It opens our eyes to give us the chance to change our attitudes about life, deepen the paths to our soul, love more intensely, speak more honestly, give more freely, and learn to appreciate what we have been given showing sincere gratitude in return.

Grief opens our heart to others feeling compassion for them, shedding our self absorbed mentality. We begin to start a shift within that we are not just here to live for ourselves but, for others as well. Going through the storm of grief we will begin to see the sun in the distance and gain an awareness that so much of what we thought was “ours” is temporal, continually changing and we begin to focus on the spiritual connections of our lives. Grief is deeply woven and multi faceted , it’s intensity can be a mirrored magnifying glass that will reveal to us what could take decades for us to see allowing us to grow while giving us new vision through our struggle and pain. It is through this powerful magnifying glass of the soul that what was out of focus is brought into full distinct view and we find ourselves facing the mysterious writing on the walls of our heart with Divine interpretation.

As odd as it may seem grief is a sorrowful gift, odd in it’s appearance, cloaked in sadness and as brutal as it may feel it grants us the ability and gifts necessary to fulfill our destiny while defining our truth, intentions and understanding that regret unlike mistakes in life cannot be changed. Although, grief can be extremely painful and unfair grief is not an enemy in fact, grief is apart of life without any distinctions. This is not to be mistaken that grief is a game of odd’s or Divine roulette as though, God and the Universe were throwing darts at us. There are reasons for everything that happen or there are no reasons and nothing makes sense. When in the worst of circumstances we despise those sickening words that others say to us even if they maybe true and well meant, still no one wants to hear in their dark hour, ” There is a reason for everything” or ” Be positive and concentrate on the good”.

If we surrender to the pain and embrace our grief we most likely will find ourselves crying our souls dry leaving us paralyzed, numb and feeling empty. As difficult as this may be it is not a bad thing , tears hold great power as medicine for the soul. Our tears have the ability to wash the windows of the heart when we have lost our vision. If we can find the inner strength through our trust in the Divine, we may still not find all the answers to our questions but, we will sooner or later absolutely find the purpose of our grief. We can learn how to take the dark ugly coal that we have had to dig through much blood, sweat and tears, perplexed with questions and unearth from our soul from the coal of pain diamonds of wisdom that hold within them the power of resurrection.

Gaining the understanding that when grief comes, like all things ” this too shall pass’, branding us with tender scars but, not without giving us the gift of a deeper faith. It is our faith in God in the middle of the uncontrollable events of life that becomes the rock that we hold onto. It is a extremely conflicting moment within when we come to the valley of decision to trust God when you feel betrayed, wounded, confused or even feel abandoned. Although, I have a ” religious” background I speak now from the “spiritual experience” I have had to face in my life that we all must come to the valley of our decision.

We are all spiritual eternal beings having a human temporary experience that we call life. I find comfort through those who have gone before us that have endured unsurmountable hardships and yet, have conquered against all odds accomplishing great things. One person who I look to is Jesus who used His life to accomplish a Divine destiny and to free those from the delusions of religious hypocrisy. Jesus was just a man, although He was the son of God in flesh, as it is written in the Bible He lived His life on the Earth just the same as you and I, He was born into this world as we were and He died just like we all will. Jesus knew He was born with a Divine destiny and purpose just as each of us are as well, which did not save him from experiencing deeply moving moments of grief, betrayal, confusion and pain. Let’s think about this for a moment, lets take away the “religious” super hero and look at Jesus, the man. Jesus was a man and yet, in all respects He was the Christ according to the Bible and Jesus was not spared grief to the point of being so confused that it would lead him to feel lost and doubt, crying and sweating blood in the darkest moments of His destiny. Here is a spiritual leader of His time and He was beat, spit on, brutalized, and carried His cross down the streets of Jerusalem just like any ordinary man. This human man had to drag the instrument of his own death which spiritually held all mankind’s grief that was written by the unseen hand of God.

As Jesus hung on that cross He experienced grief, doubt and even felt abandoned experiencing that moment that was all this pain worthy and was He mistaken about His own destiny. So many of us have experienced those moments in our lives where we all find ourselves in our deepest, darkest and distressful dark night of the soul sensing we are alone. The confusion we feel after we have given, prayed, trusted God, had faith and followed all the ” rules” when we are faced with grief lead us to a deeper understanding that faith and trust are very different in definition. I look at Jesus and his life because He is a factual person and the events of His life are verifiable. As Jesus hung on the cross He spoke very little, He insured that His mother was cared for, He cried out in front of his accusers and believers the question that expressed his great doubt in greatest moment of grief that He felt He was abandoned by His Heavenly Father God, and finally at the end withHis last breath Jesus held fast to His Divine purpose and vision by saying, ” Father forgive them for they know not what they do”.

Even Jesus this man had to see through his pain, sorrow, confusion and embrace His pain to trust God that the ordinary was powerful enough to become extraordinary and regain His vision and purpose for this undefinable grief. Studying even this most powerful life that performed such great acts of faith, still even at that moment of grief had to embrace his cross, pain and grief to regain a deeper and greater vision.

All of us have a Divine destiny and purpose, even Judas, we all have a part in this story we call life. Embracing our grief gives us the opportunity to see that there is a Divine purpose to life. We must learn to trust the plan of the Divine to see through the pain of our grief and take the hand of God as we walk through the valley where we will begin to see the lily’s along the way. It is a huge spiritual step of progress to realize that faith is not trust and surrender to God’s plans for our life even when it appears to us and feels as though we are being destroyed accepting that there is a purpose for everything.

When we begin to realize that in life we are given spiritual teachers that each one has a purpose to teach us something only it can and giving to us the gift only it carries. These teachers are not the ones with degrees hanging on their walls, or spiritual gurus or mentors which we all need spiritual support throughout our lives. These Divine teachers of grief, sorrow, forgiveness, brokenness, loss and joy, peace, love, faith and trust are all sent to us many times throughout our life. Our attitude is to be willing to embrace the teacher and learn the lesson which always leaves a gift. This is true spiritual growth and all the books, classes or studies one can do could never teach the soul these lessons. One may teach the mind but, it is the soul where we wrestle with God that we find true spiritual growth and wisdom.

So whatever you maybe facing today we must remember that the embracing the pain and accepting our grief teaches us to trust God. As Job aid, ” Though He slay me I will still love Him”, this is the ground that is tilled by our steadfast trust and tilled with our tears that will bring us spiritual wisdom and peace. As Job was blessed so we will be if we hold fast and remembering that ” This too shall pass and we will smile again”. @sks2018

Spiritual Metamorphosis

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The pain we feel inside our souls or minds which are connected in complexity to millions of the unseen emotions, ideas and desires of our heart like vessels.  This deep pain creates and becomes an inner conflict and a resistance to that which we are experiencing without ourselves ( on the outside).  Internal pain or conflict is created when we resist those circumstances we experience outside of our soul, body and our minds.  We may resist those situations or persons for many reasons; it could be confusion, anger, our unforgiveness and loss of faith.  There are myriads of reasons that could create such a deep inner turmoil inside a soul that would cause it to become so conflicted it begins to lose its faith or eyes to see with.  Our souls were created to have vision and feel to create and be that part of ourselves that paints our lives.  Once one feels so conflicted within they find their soul’s vision has become darkened like a very dirty window it makes them feel lost or without any special reason.  They long to see out but, alas! The harder they look the more conflict arises within.  So what is one to do?

What is the world made of? Is it just particles, molecules, atoms and energy?  Are we here and then gone?  We could ask a million questions and still never be satisfied with the answers or no answers that may lay on the table before us. How do we understand all this?  Many of us just want to be happy! Is that too much to ask for? Unfortunately happiness does not come from the world or anything that it may give to us.  That is only a perception or an emotional feeling that passes again and again.  To find true happiness is only capable if we are to find peace.  How does one create peace within themselves? Some may find this not such a difficult task… while others who are confined to the prison of their inner conflicts cannot reach the climax of an idea of peace left to be only more miserable and confused. 

We long for someone to love and to have someone love us back in such a way that we may feel whole.  But in reality, this is not the truth.  No one can make you whole.  We are the only one who can create wholeness within each one of us.  To depend on anything outside of our being to give us wholeness will only leave us disillusioned as to what wholeness and love is.  Which leads me to ask…? Do we know what LOVE really is? Can we trust our own hearts to decipher this intense passion?  Many times it is an emotion, an infatuation or even a comfortable arrangement of ideas.  So many of us have found us ship wrecked on the rocks of love’s illusion.  We are born to believe that love is someone who cares for us, hears our cry, protects us from the monsters, who feeds us when we are hungry and holds us when we want.  We don’t think about will this person leave us or find someone else.  We are not concerned how much we must do or not do to keep that person with us.  So we are taught from the beginning that love is an unconditional feeling even though, we may learn there are rules or habits to life it does not affect love.

From the time we are born we begin to upload like a computer ideas, beliefs, thoughts and opinions which many are not even our own which after many years create who we are.  But the questions of truth are …. Is this that we really are?  Who we were created to be? Or is this just all the cookies and pages that have been uploaded from others websites… Have we built a website of who we are that doesn’t even look like us?  Who do we look like to God?  It is all about perspective how we see the world and everything around us.  If I took you to a very tall building and I asked you to stand outside and asked you what you could see what would you say?  Then if I walked you all around the building to each side? Then if I took you into the lobby? Or what about the 22nd floor looking out the window? Or just sitting in a chair? What if I took you to the top of that building what would you see?  Every answer to these questions I have presented would be different because of our perspective but they would all pertain to the same building.  If you were that building where are you? What do you see?  I have spent years alone trying to release myself from all the uploads of life and I have experienced every human emotion I think one could but, who is the real me? I am the one who is alone, the one who understands that I have come into this world alone and I will leave alone.  This is my path, my journey and the decisions I make affect my life the most either negatively or positively.  I don’t belong to anyone… I must possess my own soul and heart or I will lose the reflection that is needed to see without and within myself clearly.  I guess the fight is to find peace with this feeling of aloneness which at times I perceive as loneliness when I look at the illusion.  How do I find my wholeness in my oneness?  So many questions…. And yet still so many answers to find.  Like a spiritual explorer I set out to find new land, new places to experience seeking the answers that my soul searches for because I know they are there.  Don’t you wish we all had a light switch we could just switch over to peaceful oneness whenever we don’t want to feel the negative effects of life? I believe that our lives should have a purpose and not the purpose that was created by this world but the purpose we were born with.  I think it is of great importance that we recognize this purpose, this calling of our soul.  Otherwise we will always feel the conflict within.  Many of us have found our purpose but have not accepted it because the windows of our souls are so dirty that we have no idea what is outside.  So we carry on feeling like we are conflicted with that number one question of life “Why am I here?”   I have found there is two things that concern me deeply one… Is when I die if I have that moment of time to reflect on my life that I should be left asking – why I was here? Or to feel regret for the things I should have done or said.  These two things I have found to be incomprehensible.

Who are you? What is it that your soul reflects from this vast Universe that is alive and conducts itself accordingly, continually expanding?  Every star has its purpose, every piece of sand and every bird in the sky or the beast of the field.  Can we expand our minds to realize that to find oneness we must connect to everything?  It would seem that the greatest truths are such contradictions.  Even Jesus would say such contradictory comments an example would be when your poor your rich and when your rich your poor (obviously my version).  How do we break the chains of these conflicts and fly and realize the magnificence of life as an ever moving and changing power like a mighty river of energy.  Who would not want to jump into such a wonderful river? Yet it has been said by sages we are but a drop of water in a large ocean connected without an outline of ending or beginning. 

This spiritual metamorphosis of mind, soul and body to be born into a world small and seemingly insignificant to find ourselves alone in the midst of millions to the point we are faced with such inner conflict that we struggle to break free from this loneliness. Oh just to be a caterpillar again? Humorous!  Not understanding that this internal intense struggle within to what we have been surrounded with is that which creates the metamorphosis and brings forth the wings we attain to fly and see our world from a completely different perspective and experience this new life as the same soul but not as the same creature.  It is time for many of us to make this transition of spiritual metamorphosis, haven’t you felt the internal struggle the intense conflict, the aloneness, loneliness at times?  Realizing that this is not all there is and willing to delete the uploads and begin with the reflection that is left on the monitor of our souls.  Angels wish to have wings as beautiful as ours…. They can see us and wonder why we are so blind to what they see.  Confused in such a way not to understand why someone who God gave such amazingly beautiful wings each different like our very own fingerprints and we still slither along in our world.  We must allow ourselves to play again, to think like children in some ways or we will never believe in butterfly wings.  We were not created just to slither along and live our lives and create our world on such common earthy erosions of illusions. Are you feeling stuck? That aloneness that I speak of is it constant?  Maybe it’s your time to wake up from what is “earthly” or “let go” of that cocoon of old ideas and beliefs to break free from it’s painful comfortability and see the ever expansive picture.  Surprise the angels and spread those wings and fly ~~~~~~~~~~~ reach for new places spiritually.  If you have ever noticed a butterfly flits along not even noticing if the breeze is blowing or not.  Just exploring one place and then flitting to another.  It your time to get out of the cocoon and fly!  Reach outside yourself and soon you will find yourself rising above the conflicts.  Fly butterfly…… fly!

BACK ONLINE!

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Hello.  It’s been almost a year since I posted on my blog.  During this past year I have been through some major changes and losses.  Two of those were the death of my brother from cancer last March and a very close friend in May.  This past year has been a very deep learning experience for me and a long road.  I am glad to be back here and I look forward to posting here again.  Writing is a great outlet for me but, unfortunately this past year has not afforded me the time that I have needed to get alone with my thoughts on a level that I could actually put them down in words.  So I am back let’s give it a whirl!

The Awakened Void

In the stillness of the void I find peace and focus. The knowledge I seek is not in this quiet place. This is the place where knowledge does not hold value and strength is of no consequence. In this place of quiet solitude I find rest from the weary circumstances that exist in reality the other dimension of space and time where there is wresting, striving and worry. This peaceful place does not need words so prayer is not a means of communicating it is the void and yet the fulness it gives is a mystery. In this place I can see that these things that trouble me are mostly illusions of my own design or problems that are so unrealistic it makes me wonder what is the problem that perplexes me. We see ourselves in this state of reality where we believe what is revealed to us on the terms of human abilities as a functional and intelligent reality that appears to control this temporal world. We are mere flesh, bone and blood living organisms that can change and are constantly changing every second.I look through the void and I see the corruptible and I realize that the diseases of our body are just flesh and blood a system that needs order. these things can not be impossible when one looks at the sun, the moon, the stars, the whole solar system is in complete order and synchronicity. At peace with the order of the system. Looking through the void at the complete design and order of the universe and then looking at these finite systems we call bodies. it makes me wonder how can so much that is completely in order harbor so much disorder. our bodies are not stone carved and disease written in stone. No we truly are marvelously made so much so that we outshine the universe in it’s marvelous workings that we display every second within ourselves marvelous miracles of order and healing. Cells that are out of order can be put back into order and start to operate the way they were originally created and intended. It is as though Someone could touch and reboot our system button and put everything that is out of order back into place properly without any chaos or viruses. it appears that in this place where there is no movement, no sound, where there is no chaos and when one looks beyond the boundaries of this void all around is chaos and disorder. it can be compared to being within the castle walls of a fortress where the kingdom is perfectly in order and at peace and outside everything is chaotic and violent banging on the walls wanting in. I sit in this place where it appears nothing exists and what I see is that the reality that we are accustomed to and believe to be real can be manipulated and recreated because it exists in a state of constant fluidity. It is not carved in stone or of any permanent consequence. Your mind has the power to re-create this dimension and create reality on new or different terms. The void is the place the never changes it is the place or eternal position. the place of creation and all that inspires is born here and yet no one who is temporally minded a can comprehend it’s workings. In this place the less, the weak, is the more powerful to create. You create by thought, not strength there is no need for brut strength or intellectualism. Our idea of intelligence is not to be of any consequence or interpretable in the void. You may ask why it’s called a void. Void sounds like a word of non existence. But in actuality, that is our interpretation. I call it the “void”, because it is a place of awakened conscience and exists within us and lacks nothing but does not give you the impression of anything except openness and freedom. It is quiet and still and no movement appears but, yet in it’s unique stillness all is known and it is the place where exists is not a fact but, in every way a place of knowing and being known. A connecting that can be described as a lost child when it finds it’s mother and beyond that to a taking your place in the gap that only younger created and designed uniquely to fill in the chain of an ancient display of Divine Intention and Will.

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Dont let FEAR run your life…. Fear is False Events Appearing Real! Fear says it’s protecting you when it is actually paralyzing you! What if’s? should be Why not’s?

Dont let FEAR run your life…. Fear is False Events Appearing Real! Fear says it’s protecting you when it is actually paralyzing you! What if’s? should be Why not’s?.

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