Life is one big experiment, one learning curve to another, one mistake after another, revelation leading to another, being broken to be repaired, getting lost then being found, shedding skins and multiple deaths only to being transformed and rebirthed. Most experiences transformed into branded memories in our mind that replay repeatedly without permission, while other memories are lost somewhere into a sea of forgetfulness.
Most of us wake up in this lucid dream years later under the “big top”, of unpredictability seeking for “ things” that we believe will lead us back to home. Like unconscious nomads we will sooner or later find ourselves wandering in this wonderous unmapped terrain without a clue why we are here and what is the meaning of our life. Trying to connect the dots and make logical sense to our journey, in hope that we can find our truth and story. We come crying into this bright light of life as seekers learning who we are by being taught to “be acceptable” and then we learn who others are in our relationships that who project their ideas that are nothing more than their faults, confusion, brokenness, wisdom, and truth ( not ours ) onto us. These are our teachers of life and now looking back at them we can see clearly we have attained their essence, ( not ours ).
When we were children we would run, play and pretend until one day we “ grow up “, and don’t even realize we have lost our magic and mystical imagination in a dark fog that lays beyond the shores of our innocent laughter and “ make believe “ yet, the echoes ache in or hearts. As we “ grow up ”, meaning we physically get older and lose those powers that enforce the true essence of our being. Now we long for what we do not have and have so much of what we do not want. We surrender our imaginative seekings for constant desperate longings, striving more each day to reach some invisible pinnacle of achievement seeking accolades, acceptance and security. Each time we conquer a test or trial we grip tightly all our trophies that we have won through our hard work and sacrifice. Not having the life experience to see that the faster we run the less time we have. The ultimate conquest and final notice is we all will arrive at the same destination sooner or later. The more we travel on the path of life, the more we realize that work is endless plowing of the field and sacrifice is many times a wound that never heals. Bleeding out at times to the point that we grapple of struggling to find the strength to get up and start again. So many, “ do overs “, like children when we learned that we could always begin again without consequences but, now our “ do overs “ cost us time, tears, loved ones, relationships, money, dreams and even home”. All the things we believed as children have become faded, distorted, stolen and untrue departing from our thoughts as nothing more than fairy tales. Time passes by and we find ourselves in a place that we are not familiar with, surrounded by those we don’t know anymore. Our life and soul cracks open us up, if we are fortunate, to reveal that everything we thought we were is but, a white washed shell of others ideas, desires, beliefs and faults.
Infamous is the day that we are shattered into so many pieces that our unrecognizable soul lays prostrate in the burning ashes and slivered chards of what is left of what we were. Birth is beautifully painful and yet, death bites us without warning striking its venomous poison deep within rotting us from the inside out leaving us alone. As time passes, our fragile finite bodies collect the beautiful, loving, truth, happy, sad, ugly, broken and empty ingredients for our life recipe. Little do we know that one day we will be seated at the table that we have built and find ourselves eating the very meal we have created by ourselves.
We find ourselves seeking for something familiar and we start to sense a strange, sweet pain that whispers to our soul. Home becomes a deep secret that we keep protected in our hearts that can be triggered by the smells of baked cookies, crisp soft sheets, music, playmates, being held or not being held, sneaking outside, the visions of freedom unrestrained and living days of discovering the first times of our lives.
So many of us reach a point in our lives that we long for home, and as strange as that may sound because we have had many homes already in our life. But, there is this place in our soul that calls to us, “ find home!”. We search for a place to land from our weary travels and rest ourselves from the battles we have faced and loss we have incurred. Seeking that sacred sanctuary where we can go to knowing that it is “ ours “, a dwelling that cannot be lost or taken one more time from us. To not have to worry that home is not connected to who we are living with or that it can be even split into. Home! Our home! That place we can always go to that we belong to and belongs to us, and no on has any rights to it, but us. We can stay as long as we want and if we decide to leave it, we can lock the doors without any keys for others who can come and go as they please. How beautiful is this place that we search for, that we can go into and lock the doors and lock the world out, if we so choose.
What does your home look like? If you could build this place of safety and refuge what colors would you use? How would you decorate this special place and if there were no restraints financially or provisionally what would you build? Now I can feel my imagination stirring within me like a child who has been given their first box of crayons, so many colors and each one makes me feel a certain way. Yes, I think I will color a house on the top of a beautiful green hill with a bright red front door, a large tree, a swing and deep green grass. A beautiful blue sky some white clouds, a big bright yellow sun with rays of orange shooting out and I think I will put a smiling face in it so that it I will remember to smile every time I see it.
Many of us feel like we are prisoners in places where we live because so we have many outside circumstances that control our lives. We realize that we have created in this prison of our lives our position of being enslaved to our fear of loss. There were times in our lives before that we can look back in our past that we stepped out, jumped ship, and took the risks to free ourselves from or prison. Pain has the ability to push us to the edge whether it be the threshold or standing on a cliff awakening to the sound of crumbling ground behind our heels. Like a bird that takes flight from being startled, we jump and pray that we fly or at least land in one piece. Fear can only hold those who will not accept the truth about their soul’s true condition and see how depraved their lives have become living on the crumbs for so long that their pain and hunger creates a tormenting desperation that they can no longer live with. How self-destructive to wake up every day to only realize you are living to just barely sustaining your life. Learning the skill of managing your life with a wounded soul, faded dreams, broken trust, unloyalty, and dealing with the deep emotionally physical damage, collecting medicinal bottles to ease your sicknesses, ailments or worse. It is unfathomable how the soul will go to any lengths to survive and if the soul cannot accomplish this it, will employ our mind in order that we can maintain and disassociate from the parasitic tentacles that are draining us of our time, energy, health and hope.
We each have our unique path, like our blueprint and we are individually are in different places on our journey but, one thing for sure we will all experience these feelings whether you may admit it or keep it as a deep secret. We are all human, although, I have met a few people that I have wondered about. The most loyal act you can do for yourself is to listen to your soul. So many of us drown out our truthful authentic souls voice for many reasons but, it is your soul that knows the truth and not just the truth but, your emancipating powerful truth. Maybe its time to get quiet, find a sacred space and take the time to be loyal to yor soul. We spend so much of our lives and energy being loyal to our jobs, our family, our significant other and friends. Exhausting so much of ourselves to keep the peace or stay in the good graces of “ life “. All the time we are doing this very thing we find ourselves sad, miserable, discontent or very disconnected with a loss of inner peace. We will have moments in our lives that we will need to take an emotional, physical and spiritual inventory in order that we can bring balance back into our lives. This inventory may create chaos that will have to be faced courageously and other times it maybe just a little change that will bring equilibrium back. We have been trained to avoid suffering at all costs, to skirt any pain if we can. In truth, it is pain and suffering that brings the truth and answers that we seek so many times. It is at those times we need to learn to sit down with our pain and ask what does this pain need? What is it saying to me? Maybe, your pain is the fear of loss? So much of our lives are built around the fear of loss, we will do so much to keep things intact. Many of those things we do will cost us and the price is very high but, hindsight is 20/20. Can you sit with your pain, suffering, loss, betrayal, confusion and anger long enough to have yours opened? It will take courage and I am not suggesting it will be easy but, I will tell you that it is the only way to find the truth about what you need to know to overcome these battles. It is not our light that we fear but, our darkness and we all have our dark caves that we must learn to excavate if we long to transform our pain into our power. It is our deep inner guru that awaits in the dark caves of truth calling to you, “ come home!”
Great things come from great obstacles!!!!
You can’t change the past but, you can give your best to the NOW!
You can change the future!
Your past cannot harm NOW it’s only the meaning and energy you give it NOW!
Stop giving your past your focus and attention.
It’s these things that you give focus and attention to that attract more of it to yourself NOW!
Take away its power over you…
Don’t be a victim of life!
Don’t be a prisoner to your past!
It’s OVER! It’s GONE!
Make a commitment to your life to be the best you can be NOW and don’t fall into regret!
You get one chance! That’s it!
ONE! ONE! ONE!
Are you really going to allow your past keep you in the passengers seat of your life?
Look back to this day in a few years and say this is when I began my new life!!!!!!!
When I decided that if I made it through all those obstacles and I am here I must have a purpose! My life means something! I have something to give!
Emergence ( tap on photo)
You are emerging from this illusion that formed you on the outside and those tortured ideas which conformed you within are falling away
You are being freed from the chains of images of the past
Let the pain go!
All the voices that accused you and drove you into chaos ……
Where are they now?
You are becoming aware that you are in your perfect moment and the struggle to make yourself something different is gone!
You are enough!
You are perfect!
You will not miss your purpose!
There is no one else that can do what you came to do!
Be you! Everything else will fall into place!
The constriction of knowing that living is not work but an adventure Has freed your from the fear of the future
You are breaking the mold and can never return!
Your vision is becoming so that you see not just the problems any longer
You see the solutions ….even more, how to change anything by making it better is powerful
Emerging from the guilt of not being driven enough,
Being good enough,
The whiner is gone
The wanter has left
The needy has been evicted
The victim has disappeared
The struggle of breaking free is over
You are emerging from expectation
You are the miracle
You have arrived!
Breathe ….. it’s already been done!
Let go of the fight! Stop!
The illusion that you must do something to change is gone!
You now see that your thoughts are the tools of change and those thoughts have changed now
Release yourself into the Light
Listen to your soul
You are emerging into your Divine inheritance
the Divine emancipation has taken place
You are a new creature
The world is waiting for you!
Karma is a strange fellow ….. very unpredictable, creative and has a lethal memory! Karma is not in hurry and moves at its own pace! You almost wonder if Karma is lost or will ever catch up with the payback train!
But, Karma does not care what you want or even what you think! Karma has its own plans!!!!!
So be careful when it comes to Karma because just because you think Karma should deliver what you think it should to someone else …. It very well may show up at your doorstep because you keep calling it !
Focus on something else!
It’s a waste of your energy of life to keep tabs or an account of wrong doings!
That’s Gods job!
Don’t judge others until you have walked a mile in their shoes and even then be careful!!!!!! There are many judges and Karma is not one of them.
God is the Judge!
Karma doesn’t care if it’s you who wishes bad on others or others doing bad to you…
In Karmas eyes it’s all the same! Like energy attracts like energy!
It doesn’t think about who deserves what like a Payback Santa Claus!
The only way out of the Karna game is to forgive …. Or you f that seems too hard to do then just be quiet!
Don’t feed it!
God is watching ! God is the only judge! God does not need a jury!
God does not need your opinions!
So be quiet!
Let God have your grievances and your opinions ……
God is more than capable and certainly knows what is best!
Can you find peace with that?
If not, you are still in the Karma game!
These Old Shoes
I was cleaning out my closet when I came across these old shoes and was was just about to throw them in the trash. But, something stopped me as I looked at them, I sensed a weird feeling come over me. As I looked at these old beat up shoes I started to remember all the places they carried me. All the nicks, scratches, wear and stains each one held a moment of time in my life. I have had these shoes for years they were my favorite because they were comfortable and easy to put on. Staring at them I was reminded of all the trips they went on, the streets they walked in NYC, places around even the world, the dancing they must have done, the stairs they climbed and how I wore them to leave and come to places in my life. I know it must sounds strange but, I just began to feel like I was throwing out an old friend. I know they are just a pair of shoes!!!!! But, to me they are so much more they hold a history of my life that could easily be forgotten by another pair. The deep imprints of my very toes pressed into the leather- those are MY toes that did that! I wore these shoes when I said my last good byes to loved ones and I wore them to see the first moments of those who were just born. Those nicks probably could have happened while running away from something , leaving home or running to something I wanted. Maybe the spots are from places I went with family and friends to eat and share good times. I know they are just an old pair of shoes but, to me? They are part of my story. I lost so much of my life, I sold most everything that I loved and I don’t even have too many pictures of my past. So maybe that’s why these old shoes struck me! I think I will keep these old shoes and in fact, I think I will sign them, date them and write a little something on them. Tuck them away in a box and one day they will be found. I will cherish these shoes just to remind me that these were never just an old pair of shoes! No! These shoes carried me on a very long journey.
Sometimes your heart gets broken quickly, without any warning whatsoever
and then sometimes it is a slow extremely painful process that happens like someone chipping away at your soul with a chipping hammer
But, one thing you can count on in this life is that your heart will be broken.
How sad it is to see a happy child playing in the sun without a care in the world
to know even as their parent that one day – that sad day will come to them
and there is nothing you can do to prevent it
It’s the same as having to teach your children that there is evil in the world
What’s even more soul stirring is to know that once you have experienced that deep immense power of the heart being broken and finding your way back on solid ground where the sun shines you will learn the meaning of ” this too shall pass” and that you will smile again
what we learn as we live is that it will surely come again
in fact, it will happen many times
how can it be that something so life altering and painful is never taught to us at the dawn of life
It is only something we can truly learn from experiencing ourselves anyway,
and once we have then we can relate to those who have been broken too
but, until it happens to us personally
when we see those who are going through it we think of their weakness and pity
Oh, woe is that day when we awake to the sword of its pain and sorrow then we understand its piercing power and taste our tears
My heart has been broken so many times that I wonder how it ever can heal
but, it does and each time it changes, it never remains the same
the scars carry great wisdom that I would never have known except through this powerful experience
each time, deeper and deeper the words are engraved in my soul
” laughter is fleeting, bliss is lived only in moments, pain is inevitable and suffering teaches us to search for hope”
embracing the pain is the quickest path to healing. Embracing love is so divine and yet, we never see the sword it carries
embrace the sword and one will learn
” love is the conscience of the heart and it will always surrender itself to the sword just to drink loves passion – even for a day”
Pain will always leave you in a state of change….
Pain changes us!
It will either make you stronger, wiser and smarter
It will make you bitter, weaker and critical
Pain and suffering can be experienced together or apart from one another
How we react to them in our life will determine our outcome
Do you want to be an overcomer?
Do you want to be a victim?
Life is about choices! You may not get to choose the pain or the instrument of it but… You always get the choice of how you react!
One of the greatest things come from pain….
So let your pain give birth to something new inside of you
Don’t let it pass without hearing the message
You will go through it again
What we resist will persist!
Sometimes it seems that half of me is crying because there is so much sadness, and the other half of me is dancing because it is so wonderful to be alive!
Everyday and every moment I either make space for the dancer or pull tissues for the weeper.
I do not understand why the dancer needs to dance and why the crier wants to cry or, why both of them are within me.
Sometimes The weeper becomes so strong that I can forget about the dancer.
I never even ask if it is still dancing. This wailing of the crier seems so real and intense.
Yet, the dancer has always been there, and it always will dance.
Whatever happens in my life, I would like very much to learn to watch the dancer. I want to be absorbed by the dancers dance.
To me, this is beautiful!
Inspired by the dancers dance I choose those things that allow me to watch.
My sorrow does not come from what has happened to me-it comes because I am not watching the dance. When I begin to watch the dance again there is joy.
To you catch the magic again is everything!
Darkness vs. Light
I don’t fear the darkness as I did when I was a child anymore
There are no monsters that lay waiting under my bed at night
The monsters no longer hide in the darkness they are everywhere
It is the light that I fear the most now
To see what I don’t want to see
The light has no imaginations
Whatever it shows you is real
The darkness can seem kinder in that way because it is usually just thoughts
Most of which are emotions blown out of proportion
Oh! But the Light !!!!!….it has no mercy and it does not take into account anything
It can be abrupt
It can be harsh
It can be painful
Although, the light will bring healing or wisdom
Where as the darkness just leads us into exceptions that we can accept to avoid pain
The light will set you free
Only if you accept it with an open heart
The darkness on the other hand will always keep you blind as long as you are willing to stay
To be free we must own what the light shows us
Own it all!
Accept it and be responsible for it come what may !
The light will show you the way…. It will free you in ways you may not understand or even conceive
I choose the light knowing that there is always a bit of darkness lurking inside me
Some days it is not easy
Some days the light does not win
Some days I am neutral
Some days I bow down to the light
This delicate balance I must maintain is cumbersome at times
But, I will awake again
Weighing out the scales in all that I do for the day
Seek the light
Know your darkness
Release your fear
Accept the truth
Find your healing
You are not alone!
Grief comes to everyone in many forms, there are no exceptions to this rule. Grief teaches that the piercing arrows of tears can plunge deep within without warning . Grief takes us beyond the sentimental tear of the heart to the dark bottomless place in our soul where tears seem to continually fall silently. As humans, we are brought into this world with the first sounds of our crying and when we leave this world it will be the last sounds we understand. As we get older, we run into grief unexpectedly it is not taught to us and we must find our own way through this darkness. Grief does not come with a set of instructions and many times without a warning sign. Everyone’s experience with grief is unique and personal it is the one thing that we can share but, not give away. Grief is not something we can outgrow with age or overcome by learning a set of principles or even methods. Grief has a specific purpose it clarifies our vision and redefines what is important to us. It causes our soul to bleed, our hearts to break which allows us become tender ground again in order to replant seeds of faith and awaken our soul to realize that life is unpredictable. We may plan our lives out and accomplish many things but, grief is the intruder that comes without invitation that disrupts our plans. Unfortunately, grief is inevitable and everyone is going to experience grief many times throughout their lives.
How we react to grief when it comes into our lives will lead us to become wiser if we choose to embrace our grief as a teacher of mourning, loss and pain or we may pivot to the other end of the scale where grief makes us cynical, cold blooded and hard hearted then we push grief aside, turn ourselves away and avoid it’s pain at all costs. When grief arrives the choice will eventually come to each of us and we will have to decide which fork in the road we will take.
If we choose not to embrace our grief then we risk our ability to feel life fully and genuinely. This leads us to contract and suppress who we really are binding our soul’s voice and eyes leaving us lost. Many who have taken this path have found themselves shipwrecked on the rocks of their faith and have lost their ability to love. Eventually, this journey will affect their lives on every level, even affecting their health and costing them painful experiences in the relationships they have with others close to them. In order to live our lives fully and balanced we must learn to embrace grief as our teacher, accepting the beautiful with the ugly, the storms with the rainbows, the dark with the light and piercing pain with happy pleasures of joy.
It is at these dark moments in our lives when grief strikes like lightning bringing chaos unexpectedly that we begin to see and feel with defined clarity and raw emotion the frailty of life, the unknown factors that can change our plans at any moment, and the value of what is truly important to us allowing the chaff of the unimportant blow away in the wind. Grief is the Divine pruning tool that reveals to us what is special and important to us. It opens our eyes to give us the chance to change our attitudes about life, deepen the paths to our soul, love more intensely, speak more honestly, give more freely, and learn to appreciate what we have been given showing sincere gratitude in return.
Grief opens our heart to others feeling compassion for them, shedding our self absorbed mentality. We begin to start a shift within that we are not just here to live for ourselves but, for others as well. Going through the storm of grief we will begin to see the sun in the distance and gain an awareness that so much of what we thought was “ours” is temporal, continually changing and we begin to focus on the spiritual connections of our lives. Grief is deeply woven and multi faceted , it’s intensity can be a mirrored magnifying glass that will reveal to us what could take decades for us to see allowing us to grow while giving us new vision through our struggle and pain. It is through this powerful magnifying glass of the soul that what was out of focus is brought into full distinct view and we find ourselves facing the mysterious writing on the walls of our heart with Divine interpretation.
As odd as it may seem grief is a sorrowful gift, odd in it’s appearance, cloaked in sadness and as brutal as it may feel it grants us the ability and gifts necessary to fulfill our destiny while defining our truth, intentions and understanding that regret unlike mistakes in life cannot be changed. Although, grief can be extremely painful and unfair grief is not an enemy in fact, grief is apart of life without any distinctions. This is not to be mistaken that grief is a game of odd’s or Divine roulette as though, God and the Universe were throwing darts at us. There are reasons for everything that happen or there are no reasons and nothing makes sense. When in the worst of circumstances we despise those sickening words that others say to us even if they maybe true and well meant, still no one wants to hear in their dark hour, ” There is a reason for everything” or ” Be positive and concentrate on the good”.
If we surrender to the pain and embrace our grief we most likely will find ourselves crying our souls dry leaving us paralyzed, numb and feeling empty. As difficult as this may be it is not a bad thing , tears hold great power as medicine for the soul. Our tears have the ability to wash the windows of the heart when we have lost our vision. If we can find the inner strength through our trust in the Divine, we may still not find all the answers to our questions but, we will sooner or later absolutely find the purpose of our grief. We can learn how to take the dark ugly coal that we have had to dig through much blood, sweat and tears, perplexed with questions and unearth from our soul from the coal of pain diamonds of wisdom that hold within them the power of resurrection.
Gaining the understanding that when grief comes, like all things ” this too shall pass’, branding us with tender scars but, not without giving us the gift of a deeper faith. It is our faith in God in the middle of the uncontrollable events of life that becomes the rock that we hold onto. It is a extremely conflicting moment within when we come to the valley of decision to trust God when you feel betrayed, wounded, confused or even feel abandoned. Although, I have a ” religious” background I speak now from the “spiritual experience” I have had to face in my life that we all must come to the valley of our decision.
We are all spiritual eternal beings having a human temporary experience that we call life. I find comfort through those who have gone before us that have endured unsurmountable hardships and yet, have conquered against all odds accomplishing great things. One person who I look to is Jesus who used His life to accomplish a Divine destiny and to free those from the delusions of religious hypocrisy. Jesus was just a man, although He was the son of God in flesh, as it is written in the Bible He lived His life on the Earth just the same as you and I, He was born into this world as we were and He died just like we all will. Jesus knew He was born with a Divine destiny and purpose just as each of us are as well, which did not save him from experiencing deeply moving moments of grief, betrayal, confusion and pain. Let’s think about this for a moment, lets take away the “religious” super hero and look at Jesus, the man. Jesus was a man and yet, in all respects He was the Christ according to the Bible and Jesus was not spared grief to the point of being so confused that it would lead him to feel lost and doubt, crying and sweating blood in the darkest moments of His destiny. Here is a spiritual leader of His time and He was beat, spit on, brutalized, and carried His cross down the streets of Jerusalem just like any ordinary man. This human man had to drag the instrument of his own death which spiritually held all mankind’s grief that was written by the unseen hand of God.
As Jesus hung on that cross He experienced grief, doubt and even felt abandoned experiencing that moment that was all this pain worthy and was He mistaken about His own destiny. So many of us have experienced those moments in our lives where we all find ourselves in our deepest, darkest and distressful dark night of the soul sensing we are alone. The confusion we feel after we have given, prayed, trusted God, had faith and followed all the ” rules” when we are faced with grief lead us to a deeper understanding that faith and trust are very different in definition. I look at Jesus and his life because He is a factual person and the events of His life are verifiable. As Jesus hung on the cross He spoke very little, He insured that His mother was cared for, He cried out in front of his accusers and believers the question that expressed his great doubt in greatest moment of grief that He felt He was abandoned by His Heavenly Father God, and finally at the end withHis last breath Jesus held fast to His Divine purpose and vision by saying, ” Father forgive them for they know not what they do”.
Even Jesus this man had to see through his pain, sorrow, confusion and embrace His pain to trust God that the ordinary was powerful enough to become extraordinary and regain His vision and purpose for this undefinable grief. Studying even this most powerful life that performed such great acts of faith, still even at that moment of grief had to embrace his cross, pain and grief to regain a deeper and greater vision.
All of us have a Divine destiny and purpose, even Judas, we all have a part in this story we call life. Embracing our grief gives us the opportunity to see that there is a Divine purpose to life. We must learn to trust the plan of the Divine to see through the pain of our grief and take the hand of God as we walk through the valley where we will begin to see the lily’s along the way. It is a huge spiritual step of progress to realize that faith is not trust and surrender to God’s plans for our life even when it appears to us and feels as though we are being destroyed accepting that there is a purpose for everything.
When we begin to realize that in life we are given spiritual teachers that each one has a purpose to teach us something only it can and giving to us the gift only it carries. These teachers are not the ones with degrees hanging on their walls, or spiritual gurus or mentors which we all need spiritual support throughout our lives. These Divine teachers of grief, sorrow, forgiveness, brokenness, loss and joy, peace, love, faith and trust are all sent to us many times throughout our life. Our attitude is to be willing to embrace the teacher and learn the lesson which always leaves a gift. This is true spiritual growth and all the books, classes or studies one can do could never teach the soul these lessons. One may teach the mind but, it is the soul where we wrestle with God that we find true spiritual growth and wisdom.
So whatever you maybe facing today we must remember that the embracing the pain and accepting our grief teaches us to trust God. As Job aid, ” Though He slay me I will still love Him”, this is the ground that is tilled by our steadfast trust and tilled with our tears that will bring us spiritual wisdom and peace. As Job was blessed so we will be if we hold fast and remembering that ” This too shall pass and we will smile again”. @sks2018