Monthly Archives: November 2022
Sometimes I find myself sitting in the shallows
Not really engaging in anything
My mind is a blank
My heart is numb
My vision obscured
It’s not really enjoyable because I sense the absence of myself
Dwelling on some deep internal thought
The shallows can be quite a lonely place
There are many who I sit among who are doing the same
but, I don’t really communicate with them
Sometimes I find myself at the breaking point
With my body entangled in the scratchy seaweed
The waves keep coming relentlessly
Crashing over me
Knocking me down
Twisting and turning
Trying to find the ground
No rest for me here
I try to swim against the rage to reach the place where it is smooth and calm
Where I can see
I cannot push myself against the crashing waves
One after the other
They keep coming
Some find this recklessness challenging
I find myself in the deep
The deep dark waters where No bottom can be touched
No bottom can be seen
The sea is smooth and calm
But underneath these still waters
I find myself swimming
It is a peace that requires much exertion
At first it seems enjoyable but, then I find myself tired and lonely
There are not too many close to me here
In fact, I see no one at all
I hear them in the distance calling
I feel the swelling power of the water all around me
It lifts me up and down
But, I am still swimming
Running through these waters
I am weary of this
Where do I go ?
What am I doing here?
Who told me I had to do any of this?
I get the courage amidst my weakened state to swim back to the shallows were I was numb
I watch the water swell behind me and I lunge forward into the breaking point
The waves crashing pushing me forward while I tumble every way
Face in the sand
Can’t see above me
I keep swimming
Until I finally reach the shallows
Quietly I sit
Trying to gather myself together
It occurs to me
I am no longer numb
I can still feel the plunging
I can still see the seaweed tangled in my hair
Sand in my mouth
Is this the story?
Is this how it goes?
What was it that brought me here?
What was I thinking?
I start over ……..