Monthly Archives: June 2022
My friend, hold on to this beautiful truth!
“Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made, or dark images you hold about yourself.
They remember your beauty when you feel ugly;
your wholeness when you are broken;
your innocence when you feel guilty;
and your purpose when you are confused.”💛
~ An African Saying ~
We almost collided,
We were just stars,
at the edges of neighbouring galaxies,
just about to collide,
but passed by each other,
yet feeling the stardust
in each others’ wake.
Art ≈ Midnight Stroll by Kori-Z
How many times have I seen this face?
Who can tell me where I came from?
Where is that door I walk through and call home forever?
Have we met before this? In another place? With or without time?
Learning has made Pain a path into the depths of my soul
In all the joyful moments I have experienced I understand now they live somewhere inside of me
I have made it so
Life is one big experiment, one learning curve to another, one mistake after another, revelation leading to another, being broken to be repaired, getting lost then being found, shedding skins and multiple deaths only to being transformed and rebirthed. Most experiences transformed into branded memories in our mind that replay repeatedly without permission, while other memories are lost somewhere into a sea of forgetfulness.
Most of us wake up in this lucid dream years later under the “big top”, of unpredictability seeking for “ things” that we believe will lead us back to home. Like unconscious nomads we will sooner or later find ourselves wandering in this wonderous unmapped terrain without a clue why we are here and what is the meaning of our life. Trying to connect the dots and make logical sense to our journey, in hope that we can find our truth and story. We come crying into this bright light of life as seekers learning who we are by being taught to “be acceptable” and then we learn who others are in our relationships that who project their ideas that are nothing more than their faults, confusion, brokenness, wisdom, and truth ( not ours ) onto us. These are our teachers of life and now looking back at them we can see clearly we have attained their essence, ( not ours ).
When we were children we would run, play and pretend until one day we “ grow up “, and don’t even realize we have lost our magic and mystical imagination in a dark fog that lays beyond the shores of our innocent laughter and “ make believe “ yet, the echoes ache in or hearts. As we “ grow up ”, meaning we physically get older and lose those powers that enforce the true essence of our being. Now we long for what we do not have and have so much of what we do not want. We surrender our imaginative seekings for constant desperate longings, striving more each day to reach some invisible pinnacle of achievement seeking accolades, acceptance and security. Each time we conquer a test or trial we grip tightly all our trophies that we have won through our hard work and sacrifice. Not having the life experience to see that the faster we run the less time we have. The ultimate conquest and final notice is we all will arrive at the same destination sooner or later. The more we travel on the path of life, the more we realize that work is endless plowing of the field and sacrifice is many times a wound that never heals. Bleeding out at times to the point that we grapple of struggling to find the strength to get up and start again. So many, “ do overs “, like children when we learned that we could always begin again without consequences but, now our “ do overs “ cost us time, tears, loved ones, relationships, money, dreams and even home”. All the things we believed as children have become faded, distorted, stolen and untrue departing from our thoughts as nothing more than fairy tales. Time passes by and we find ourselves in a place that we are not familiar with, surrounded by those we don’t know anymore. Our life and soul cracks open us up, if we are fortunate, to reveal that everything we thought we were is but, a white washed shell of others ideas, desires, beliefs and faults.
Infamous is the day that we are shattered into so many pieces that our unrecognizable soul lays prostrate in the burning ashes and slivered chards of what is left of what we were. Birth is beautifully painful and yet, death bites us without warning striking its venomous poison deep within rotting us from the inside out leaving us alone. As time passes, our fragile finite bodies collect the beautiful, loving, truth, happy, sad, ugly, broken and empty ingredients for our life recipe. Little do we know that one day we will be seated at the table that we have built and find ourselves eating the very meal we have created by ourselves.
We find ourselves seeking for something familiar and we start to sense a strange, sweet pain that whispers to our soul. Home becomes a deep secret that we keep protected in our hearts that can be triggered by the smells of baked cookies, crisp soft sheets, music, playmates, being held or not being held, sneaking outside, the visions of freedom unrestrained and living days of discovering the first times of our lives.
So many of us reach a point in our lives that we long for home, and as strange as that may sound because we have had many homes already in our life. But, there is this place in our soul that calls to us, “ find home!”. We search for a place to land from our weary travels and rest ourselves from the battles we have faced and loss we have incurred. Seeking that sacred sanctuary where we can go to knowing that it is “ ours “, a dwelling that cannot be lost or taken one more time from us. To not have to worry that home is not connected to who we are living with or that it can be even split into. Home! Our home! That place we can always go to that we belong to and belongs to us, and no on has any rights to it, but us. We can stay as long as we want and if we decide to leave it, we can lock the doors without any keys for others who can come and go as they please. How beautiful is this place that we search for, that we can go into and lock the doors and lock the world out, if we so choose.
What does your home look like? If you could build this place of safety and refuge what colors would you use? How would you decorate this special place and if there were no restraints financially or provisionally what would you build? Now I can feel my imagination stirring within me like a child who has been given their first box of crayons, so many colors and each one makes me feel a certain way. Yes, I think I will color a house on the top of a beautiful green hill with a bright red front door, a large tree, a swing and deep green grass. A beautiful blue sky some white clouds, a big bright yellow sun with rays of orange shooting out and I think I will put a smiling face in it so that it I will remember to smile every time I see it.
Many of us feel like we are prisoners in places where we live because so we have many outside circumstances that control our lives. We realize that we have created in this prison of our lives our position of being enslaved to our fear of loss. There were times in our lives before that we can look back in our past that we stepped out, jumped ship, and took the risks to free ourselves from or prison. Pain has the ability to push us to the edge whether it be the threshold or standing on a cliff awakening to the sound of crumbling ground behind our heels. Like a bird that takes flight from being startled, we jump and pray that we fly or at least land in one piece. Fear can only hold those who will not accept the truth about their soul’s true condition and see how depraved their lives have become living on the crumbs for so long that their pain and hunger creates a tormenting desperation that they can no longer live with. How self-destructive to wake up every day to only realize you are living to just barely sustaining your life. Learning the skill of managing your life with a wounded soul, faded dreams, broken trust, unloyalty, and dealing with the deep emotionally physical damage, collecting medicinal bottles to ease your sicknesses, ailments or worse. It is unfathomable how the soul will go to any lengths to survive and if the soul cannot accomplish this it, will employ our mind in order that we can maintain and disassociate from the parasitic tentacles that are draining us of our time, energy, health and hope.
We each have our unique path, like our blueprint and we are individually are in different places on our journey but, one thing for sure we will all experience these feelings whether you may admit it or keep it as a deep secret. We are all human, although, I have met a few people that I have wondered about. The most loyal act you can do for yourself is to listen to your soul. So many of us drown out our truthful authentic souls voice for many reasons but, it is your soul that knows the truth and not just the truth but, your emancipating powerful truth. Maybe its time to get quiet, find a sacred space and take the time to be loyal to yor soul. We spend so much of our lives and energy being loyal to our jobs, our family, our significant other and friends. Exhausting so much of ourselves to keep the peace or stay in the good graces of “ life “. All the time we are doing this very thing we find ourselves sad, miserable, discontent or very disconnected with a loss of inner peace. We will have moments in our lives that we will need to take an emotional, physical and spiritual inventory in order that we can bring balance back into our lives. This inventory may create chaos that will have to be faced courageously and other times it maybe just a little change that will bring equilibrium back. We have been trained to avoid suffering at all costs, to skirt any pain if we can. In truth, it is pain and suffering that brings the truth and answers that we seek so many times. It is at those times we need to learn to sit down with our pain and ask what does this pain need? What is it saying to me? Maybe, your pain is the fear of loss? So much of our lives are built around the fear of loss, we will do so much to keep things intact. Many of those things we do will cost us and the price is very high but, hindsight is 20/20. Can you sit with your pain, suffering, loss, betrayal, confusion and anger long enough to have yours opened? It will take courage and I am not suggesting it will be easy but, I will tell you that it is the only way to find the truth about what you need to know to overcome these battles. It is not our light that we fear but, our darkness and we all have our dark caves that we must learn to excavate if we long to transform our pain into our power. It is our deep inner guru that awaits in the dark caves of truth calling to you, “ come home!”
You cannot reason with unreasonable people
You cannot talk logically to an illogical mind
You cannot express honest emotions to a emotionally unstable individual
You cannnot be honest with those who lie
You cannot trust someone who talks about others behind their backs when they are not around
You cannot expect someone to be generous because they have money … generosity doesn’t come from the wallet it comes from the heart!
You cannot expect gratitude from anyone who displays selfishness
You cannot look for loyalty In someone who is constantly judgmental
You cannot find compassion in a critical heart
You cannot find a true friend in fair weather
Only storms create them!
You cannot believe you are always right
Agree to disagree
You cannot believe you are always wrong
Agree to disagree
You cannot concede to ownership
You will eventually find yourself a slave
You cannot believe someone is telling the whole truth most likely they are telling the truth they know
You cannot give permission to just anyone or everyone
Permission like respect should be earned or granted
You cannot be close to a person who burns others
A fire does not have any discretion
You cannot find humility in someone who tells you they are humbled
You cannot stop people from continuing to harm you unless you make them apart of your past
You cannot get rid of the memories but, you can get rid of the pain
You cannot listen to everything you hear
Know when to turn off the “ sound”
You cannot be labeled unless you pin it on yourself
You cannot understand what I have written unless you have been through it all!
God please give me the strength and help to say good bye…. It has taken its toll on me in every way! But… My body can not handle it anymore. I cannot control or understand why others would create so much pain for me. But, I have tried and I must stop letting the pain rob me of my life, my joy and my health. It wasn’t my choice to do this – it was the only thing i can do to survive. My love will always be there but, I must accept their choices that they don’t need to have what I need. I have done all I can do … Please fill my emptiness with what is helpful for me. I need to for my heart to get better I cannot wait any longer feeling this pain. I hope I can learn to forgive what was taken from me. Too many tears, too much pain, and I have done my best. Time tells all I put this matter in Your hands. The truth is in Your hands. I must now become someone new, I must leave not just my past behind….. But I must say ” Good Bye” until one day those who I love may be changed.
I want to live!
Great things come from great obstacles!!!!
You can’t change the past but, you can give your best to the NOW!
You can change the future!
Your past cannot harm NOW it’s only the meaning and energy you give it NOW!
Stop giving your past your focus and attention.
It’s these things that you give focus and attention to that attract more of it to yourself NOW!
Take away its power over you…
Don’t be a victim of life!
Don’t be a prisoner to your past!
It’s OVER! It’s GONE!
Make a commitment to your life to be the best you can be NOW and don’t fall into regret!
You get one chance! That’s it!
ONE! ONE! ONE!
Are you really going to allow your past keep you in the passengers seat of your life?
Look back to this day in a few years and say this is when I began my new life!!!!!!!
When I decided that if I made it through all those obstacles and I am here I must have a purpose! My life means something! I have something to give!
Emergence ( tap on photo)
You are emerging from this illusion that formed you on the outside and those tortured ideas which conformed you within are falling away
You are being freed from the chains of images of the past
Let the pain go!
All the voices that accused you and drove you into chaos ……
Where are they now?
You are becoming aware that you are in your perfect moment and the struggle to make yourself something different is gone!
You are enough!
You are perfect!
You will not miss your purpose!
There is no one else that can do what you came to do!
Be you! Everything else will fall into place!
The constriction of knowing that living is not work but an adventure Has freed your from the fear of the future
You are breaking the mold and can never return!
Your vision is becoming so that you see not just the problems any longer
You see the solutions ….even more, how to change anything by making it better is powerful
Emerging from the guilt of not being driven enough,
Being good enough,
The whiner is gone
The wanter has left
The needy has been evicted
The victim has disappeared
The struggle of breaking free is over
You are emerging from expectation
You are the miracle
You have arrived!
Breathe ….. it’s already been done!
Let go of the fight! Stop!
The illusion that you must do something to change is gone!
You now see that your thoughts are the tools of change and those thoughts have changed now
Release yourself into the Light
Listen to your soul
You are emerging into your Divine inheritance
the Divine emancipation has taken place
You are a new creature
The world is waiting for you!
Karma is a strange fellow ….. very unpredictable, creative and has a lethal memory! Karma is not in hurry and moves at its own pace! You almost wonder if Karma is lost or will ever catch up with the payback train!
But, Karma does not care what you want or even what you think! Karma has its own plans!!!!!
So be careful when it comes to Karma because just because you think Karma should deliver what you think it should to someone else …. It very well may show up at your doorstep because you keep calling it !
Focus on something else!
It’s a waste of your energy of life to keep tabs or an account of wrong doings!
That’s Gods job!
Don’t judge others until you have walked a mile in their shoes and even then be careful!!!!!! There are many judges and Karma is not one of them.
God is the Judge!
Karma doesn’t care if it’s you who wishes bad on others or others doing bad to you…
In Karmas eyes it’s all the same! Like energy attracts like energy!
It doesn’t think about who deserves what like a Payback Santa Claus!
The only way out of the Karna game is to forgive …. Or you f that seems too hard to do then just be quiet!
Don’t feed it!
God is watching ! God is the only judge! God does not need a jury!
God does not need your opinions!
So be quiet!
Let God have your grievances and your opinions ……
God is more than capable and certainly knows what is best!
Can you find peace with that?
If not, you are still in the Karma game!
These Old Shoes
I was cleaning out my closet when I came across these old shoes and was was just about to throw them in the trash. But, something stopped me as I looked at them, I sensed a weird feeling come over me. As I looked at these old beat up shoes I started to remember all the places they carried me. All the nicks, scratches, wear and stains each one held a moment of time in my life. I have had these shoes for years they were my favorite because they were comfortable and easy to put on. Staring at them I was reminded of all the trips they went on, the streets they walked in NYC, places around even the world, the dancing they must have done, the stairs they climbed and how I wore them to leave and come to places in my life. I know it must sounds strange but, I just began to feel like I was throwing out an old friend. I know they are just a pair of shoes!!!!! But, to me they are so much more they hold a history of my life that could easily be forgotten by another pair. The deep imprints of my very toes pressed into the leather- those are MY toes that did that! I wore these shoes when I said my last good byes to loved ones and I wore them to see the first moments of those who were just born. Those nicks probably could have happened while running away from something , leaving home or running to something I wanted. Maybe the spots are from places I went with family and friends to eat and share good times. I know they are just an old pair of shoes but, to me? They are part of my story. I lost so much of my life, I sold most everything that I loved and I don’t even have too many pictures of my past. So maybe that’s why these old shoes struck me! I think I will keep these old shoes and in fact, I think I will sign them, date them and write a little something on them. Tuck them away in a box and one day they will be found. I will cherish these shoes just to remind me that these were never just an old pair of shoes! No! These shoes carried me on a very long journey.