Posting for a friend-
Today I lost my faith! I know – I know!!!! It seems almost impossible … I am not sure if I lost my faith in people or God – or both. But, I can honestly say I have never been here before! I always had faith….. but, today I do not! I pray that God has faith in me. There is a deep sadness in my soul that I cannot find one person, especially the one I would most hope for that would care enough to utter a few kind words to my soul. I am not weak so I must say for me to get to this place I must have followed someone through into a fire. Now I find myself alone in my silent resolve. I have felt the world had used me for all their desires… I have been a pawn used to make others grand. Now here I stand empty handed and empty hearted. A kind word a sweet embrace could have changed things so many times. It is as though you live among those who are so involved in their reflections that they cannot see the sky, the sun or the beauty of the world. Yet, you stand alone for whatever reason? Why would not someone throw crumbs at a starving soul? Who could determine where the end of the string is of your faith? Yes today I lost my faith….. I can only pray and hope in this feeble quietness that God can have faith in me.

TThis work is not for the weak hearted and how easily it is fooled! Like a Shakespeare play where one can coherce the crowd with pomp and circumstance! So who are the fools???? Are we not all fools in some degree? Oh to wake up every day and not have to convince oneself into life! What a miserable empty resurrection! Why not escape? Have I not spent my whole life trying to find the lock that fits this key I hold? The door to my emancipation? O’ I how I have walked through many doors! The invitations have unfolded before my eyes. But, where is the door that my key unlocks!!!! Yes, today I lost my faith! I have become to old, too late and it is to difficult, it appears that I have tumbled behind the dreams of yesterday. My only hope is to search for meaning to my life coming to the awakening of all my misleadings. Follow your dreams , I have heard! But, some dreams turn into nightmares untold! I watch people pass by and they appear so “ normal”. But, I know life is anything but normal. I am not fooled! For I was once normal”, Ha! So here I sit and I am imprisoned in my mind and paralyzed by my absence. Like a child in school during roll call, could someone please call my name? Wake me up! Breathe life back into my soul! So here I wait among fools and folly to know if God has faith in me!