Monthly Archives: June 2018
The Mirror of our Soul
We all must seek out the quiet place that we call or “sacred space”, it is here that we have our eyes opened. The scales fall off our eyes and we can see the mirror of the Universe all around us revealing our soul.
I remember the first moment that this experience happened to me, I was in the painted desert of New Mexico. I went out there for a painting experience alone, being led my unseen forces I knew I was suppose to go there, but not sure why. Sometimes we must follow our intuition blindly in our pursuit of awakening.
Finding our sacred place is not difficult one only needs to find that place where there soul resonates with peace. Some of us are water souls, other forest souls, and I was a desert soul. Each space resonates it’s frequency that connects to your soul at the same resonating energy.
When we find our sacred space, it is the beginning of an inward journey that must break our outward shell of who we and the world “thinks” we are. What happens to our whole being when we awaken to our true soul is beyond our understanding and expectations. Our sacred place is a mystical mirror of our soul connected to the Universe that teaches us who we are, what we are and why we are here.
My experience in the painted desert enveloped in such a magical pace in New Mexico took three days for the power of this powerful resonating force to finally sink in, being alone and allowing the noise of “life” to quiet down I found myself faced with my demons. I remember the night before so clearly, I was so frustrated and just wanted to run out of that desert as fast as my feet could run. I could not put my finger on it but, I was breaking down inside and out.
The next morning I woke up and I was astounded at the stillness and silence within and all the pain, frustration and confusion was gone. There I was feeling of emptiness and I began to be enveloped by this overwhelming emotion of love and I started crying, not even knowing exactly why. Then all of a sudden out of the blue, deep within I began to hear a soft voice. This voice was so powerful and it was clear, peaceful and familiar, this was the first time I heard my soul’s voice and it broke me as I began to weep with release and joy. It was as if someone had opened the flood gates of my heart and allowed the waters of my soul to flow without restraint for the first time. I finally understood what freedom and being awake truly was. I will never forget that experience and it was at that moment in my life that I knew I would never be the same.
When I walked outside early that morning, overwhelmed with love and looked around I saw the jagged,broken,beautiful towering cliffs all around me and realized that this sacred space was a mirror of my soul. Rugged, broken, jagged, timeless, old, beautiful, and so many stories. I immediately felt a connection to my surroundings every rock, every cliff were before me with a thousand eyes and mouths. I felt the Universe, God; the souls of those who dwelt here, teachers of another world, the wind had songs and the sun appeared like an angel.
It is amazing that we can be standing In the midst of such power and be blind to all that is. These rocks, cliffs and jagged towering ancestors revealed my reflection and I could see how much healing I needed. It was at this moment that I found my soul and had the power to rescue myself.
I think we are all looking for someone to rescue us from something. Pursuing that empty place within. It was here in the solitude of my authentic being, deep within my soul that I painstakingly traveled to apprehend myself. To recognize who we are standing before the mirror of the Universe of our soul we see ourselves as God as sees us and our reminded of what we have been seeking is deep within our soul. It is in the depths of the soul that we will travel and see God silently sitting by the fire of our creation. It is this fire that ignites our unique passions and being. It is the fire that we were formed out of like a forger of souls; God formed each of us uniquely according to a Divine design.
It is a difficult journey for the soul, many get lost. There are no true manuals it is a road one must travel alone. If one is willing to lose themselves in the chaos of their own darkness and remain steadfast they will find God sitting within waiting.
There are no words, no emotions, nothing of this world to describe this special moment when the Universe stands still and the breeze from heaven holds its breath . We are born again through the infinite power of brokenness and hear our soul’s voice beckon us to come within and sit by the fire with our Creator.
As I sat in the small room that was dimly lit with a simple candle I could see the soft figure of a mysterious looking old woman sitting in a rocking chair. Quietly she rocked back and forth methodically, in her old rocking chair, creaking with each move making the sound of the ” tic toc” of a clock. As I looked closer I could see a glimmer from a pair of gold knitting needles in her long bony aged hands. Those beautiful golden knitting needles in her long fingers were hypnotizing as she moved them to and fro, in and out as if she was a conductor weaving the beautiful colors that appeared to resonate and glow. As I looked at her I could see the lines on her face and she appeared otherworldly weaving those hypnotic needles like she was orchestrating life in between the lines of her threads that dangled to the old wooden floor.
I moved closer into the light of the flame and she smiled at me and motioned me to sit down next to her chair. I was touched by her graceful energy and soft eyes. Meticulously, she remained knitting, spinning the threads around her golden needles, rocking back and forth in her old chair against the floor. Captivated by the shimmer of the needles and the sound of the creaky rocking chair that would tic and toc back and forth reminded me of one those antique grandfather clocks.
I sat at her feet on the floor next to that enchanted chair and picked up the thread that was dangling to the floor and began to allow it to run through my fingers with each turn of her golden needles. Before long I felt as though I had entered into another time and I began to hear her sing an ancient song in a language I could not understand but, the lyrics reminded me of my memories.
Before I knew what I was doing I was caught up in her ancient chant I found myself unraveling the thread that was dangling from my hands. The more she spun her golden needles the more I found myself unraveling her threads of color.
As I continued in this enchanted moment I began to see the beautiful pattern she is knitting with each twist and turn. Faster and faster I began to unravel this beautiful glowing thread like a web of time as her chair continued with it’s tic-toc, tic- toc. She looks into my eyes and immediately I sense something stir within me and I am drawn to touch these beautiful golden knitting needles. As I reach out with my hand to touch one the old woman looks at me with a stern look and beckons me to pay attention to the thread I was holding and allowing to unravel all around me. She whispers softly to me and says, ” Look at the thread that you are holding in your hands”. I look down at the unraveled threads that surround me and she says, ” this thread you are holding in your hands are the precious moments of your life. Why is it that you are so distracted by the golden knitting needles? Look at the beautiful pattern that they are creating, this is what is important”.
Immediately , I am stunned how fast that the thread that was being pulled through my fingers had unraveled so much , little by little. Here I sit as time is being pulled through my fingers little by little, thread by thread as I was so mesmerized by the golden needles. Tic-toc, tic-toc, second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day and before I realized it the thread around me starts to thin out.
The old woman looks at me endearingly, ” Don’t be distracted by all that glistens, pay attention to the threads of your life and this amazingly unique and beautifully masterful knitted pattern. Little by little, you can begin to see what seemed as though it was just a few lines of color here and there become a portrait of who you are. Look at your life and understand that this beautiful pattern is your life. Don’t be distracted by needles, they are just tools and although they are necessary they are not you. They are creating your story.”.
O’ How beautiful are the colors of my life, the stitches are each unique some places they are tight, some knotted and some places are loose. Yet, each one is perfectly placed in this tapestry of threads that create all that I am. For now, I will slow down and hold the thread between my fingers ever so carefully, I will listen to the beautiful ancient song being sung to my soul as I listen to the creaking chair that tics and tocs…. Yes, the golden knitting needles she holds are beautiful but, I am now mesmerized by what each stitch will bring, what color? I realize that as I watch I am apart of creating this gorgeous tapestry I call my life.
As time progresses in my life I have come to the conclusion that so many of us are trying to regather the pieces of our lives. To retrieve those moments and parts of our story that were lost, left behind and we let go of because of the emotion they held that maybe affected our lives negatively. We come to understand that our lives are very much like a puzzle and as we grow older we realize that to see the whole picture we must go back and retrieve those missing pieces to see our Divine purpose. Finding these pieces will give us a wealth of revelation of who we are and the clarity to move forward following our Divine purpose.
There is a time and place for everything in our lives, we go through times where it is time to ” let go “. It is part of the growth process we must learn to leave behind those things, people or emotions that will hinder our growth. We are not ready to accept or learn the lesson at that time so we ” Let go “, of the weight and wait until the optimum time of retrieval . This is not in anyway to be compared to treading or digging in our mind sifting through the muddy past leaving our emotional state cloudy and disturbed. Retrieval of our soul at the specific time is the answer we seek currently but, in the past we were not ready for it.
Everyone wants our lives to count, to matter and to make sense to us. Seeking to find answers to the unanswered questions. If we ” let go” or ” leave behind”, all those pieces we will be unable to see the beautiful picture of our lives in it’s wholeness. There are moments when “letting go”, is good for you but, be sure that “letting go” is filing away the moment for another time because not all our “moments” are meant to be thrown out like the baby with the bath water. My advice to you is to use the process of sifting through the moments before we just let them go. As time moves forward in our lives we will find ourselves sifting our souls in the waters of healing looking for the gems that are hidden.
Have you ever bought a puzzle and put it together only to find that at the end you realize there are missing pieces? What a frustrating feeling to find out you spent so much time to create something only to find out you can not finish it. So it is good to understand the power and significance of those words that are so easily and often thrown out there like some kind of religious mantra of freedom, ” let it go!” Be careful not to fall into that trap.
So many of us find ourselves going through our days feeling like something is missing, always looking to fill a void we cannot see. It is at these times we need to sit down, reflect on our lives and reevaluate what we have ” let go”. There come times we can only find the missing in those pieces. We were not ready to learn or understand at that time but, we may find ourselves now prepared to retrieve those, sift through and replace the piece of our life correctly.
You may sense you are in this place and feel like you are experiencing an inner transformation which requires you to initiate your own personal soul retrieval. It is time for you in your spiritual journey to bring healing, understanding and peace to your soul about certain events in your life. What is extraordinary is that we can go back and regather these pieces for our souls healing. Although, time comes and goes throughout our lives not changing what is being held within or without our soul. Time is not a friend or foe, time is only the timeline of your story.
Are your ready to grab your pan, step into the healing waters of your soul and begin sifting out the gems ( those beautiful pieces of who you are). Isn’t it time to see your story?
See me? Look longer: at me and focus on the all the details.
I have so many jagged edges, scars, bruises, rips and tattered holes in this frame of my being. Where do you think these wounds came from?
I did not choose to take the easy way, the pretty path, or the well trodden road.
Was I afraid? I cannot even express the fear that I have had to battle. This journey requires one to learn to walk with fear realizing that fear is the ” natural” state of the unknown. Greatness is not measured by natural standards but, it is measured by a standard of one choosing to fail, to be afraid, to lose, to make mistakes and still move forward in spite of the risks or ridicule. Greatness does not give up, expect the easy way out and has forgotten how to turn around.
See me? My clothes are torn and dirty – my dusty feet are hard and tough from this long journey. I am weathered by all the trials and I walk with a limp from my all night wrestling with a God I cannot see.
See me? If you have eyes to see -Look closely I am not the person I use to be or who you once knew. What a chameleon I have become allowing myself to appear in many ways and with so many colors. I choose how I will reveal myself to you.
See me? Don’t be afraid of me or my appearance look past the illusion to see if you have eyes to see. Disregard me if you choose, envy me if you are blind or despise me if you don’t want to believe the truth.
See me? If you can, how does it feel to know that you have not traveled alone on this journey?
Hold my hand and let’s go places where we become unraveled and then woven together as one. Then you will not see me nor you, but a new creature that has been changed from the caterpillar to the beautiful butterfly.
Grief comes to everyone in many forms, there are no exceptions to this rule. Grief teaches that the piercing arrows of tears can plunge deep within without warning . Grief takes us beyond the sentimental tear of the heart to the dark bottomless place in our soul where tears seem to continually fall silently. As humans, we are brought into this world with the first sounds of our crying and when we leave this world it will be the last sounds we understand. As we get older, we run into grief unexpectedly it is not taught to us and we must find our own way through this darkness. Grief does not come with a set of instructions and many times without a warning sign. Everyone’s experience with grief is unique and personal it is the one thing that we can share but, not give away. Grief is not something we can outgrow with age or overcome by learning a set of principles or even methods. Grief has a specific purpose it clarifies our vision and redefines what is important to us. It causes our soul to bleed, our hearts to break which allows us become tender ground again in order to replant seeds of faith and awaken our soul to realize that life is unpredictable. We may plan our lives out and accomplish many things but, grief is the intruder that comes without invitation that disrupts our plans. Unfortunately, grief is inevitable and everyone is going to experience grief many times throughout their lives.
How we react to grief when it comes into our lives will lead us to become wiser if we choose to embrace our grief as a teacher of mourning, loss and pain or we may pivot to the other end of the scale where grief makes us cynical, cold blooded and hard hearted then we push grief aside, turn ourselves away and avoid it’s pain at all costs. When grief arrives the choice will eventually come to each of us and we will have to decide which fork in the road we will take.
If we choose not to embrace our grief then we risk our ability to feel life fully and genuinely. This leads us to contract and suppress who we really are binding our soul’s voice and eyes leaving us lost. Many who have taken this path have found themselves shipwrecked on the rocks of their faith and have lost their ability to love. Eventually, this journey will affect their lives on every level, even affecting their health and costing them painful experiences in the relationships they have with others close to them. In order to live our lives fully and balanced we must learn to embrace grief as our teacher, accepting the beautiful with the ugly, the storms with the rainbows, the dark with the light and piercing pain with happy pleasures of joy.
It is at these dark moments in our lives when grief strikes like lightning bringing chaos unexpectedly that we begin to see and feel with defined clarity and raw emotion the frailty of life, the unknown factors that can change our plans at any moment, and the value of what is truly important to us allowing the chaff of the unimportant blow away in the wind. Grief is the Divine pruning tool that reveals to us what is special and important to us. It opens our eyes to give us the chance to change our attitudes about life, deepen the paths to our soul, love more intensely, speak more honestly, give more freely, and learn to appreciate what we have been given showing sincere gratitude in return.
Grief opens our heart to others feeling compassion for them, shedding our self absorbed mentality. We begin to start a shift within that we are not just here to live for ourselves but, for others as well. Going through the storm of grief we will begin to see the sun in the distance and gain an awareness that so much of what we thought was “ours” is temporal, continually changing and we begin to focus on the spiritual connections of our lives. Grief is deeply woven and multi faceted , it’s intensity can be a mirrored magnifying glass that will reveal to us what could take decades for us to see allowing us to grow while giving us new vision through our struggle and pain. It is through this powerful magnifying glass of the soul that what was out of focus is brought into full distinct view and we find ourselves facing the mysterious writing on the walls of our heart with Divine interpretation.
As odd as it may seem grief is a sorrowful gift, odd in it’s appearance, cloaked in sadness and as brutal as it may feel it grants us the ability and gifts necessary to fulfill our destiny while defining our truth, intentions and understanding that regret unlike mistakes in life cannot be changed. Although, grief can be extremely painful and unfair grief is not an enemy in fact, grief is apart of life without any distinctions. This is not to be mistaken that grief is a game of odd’s or Divine roulette as though, God and the Universe were throwing darts at us. There are reasons for everything that happen or there are no reasons and nothing makes sense. When in the worst of circumstances we despise those sickening words that others say to us even if they maybe true and well meant, still no one wants to hear in their dark hour, ” There is a reason for everything” or ” Be positive and concentrate on the good”.
If we surrender to the pain and embrace our grief we most likely will find ourselves crying our souls dry leaving us paralyzed, numb and feeling empty. As difficult as this may be it is not a bad thing , tears hold great power as medicine for the soul. Our tears have the ability to wash the windows of the heart when we have lost our vision. If we can find the inner strength through our trust in the Divine, we may still not find all the answers to our questions but, we will sooner or later absolutely find the purpose of our grief. We can learn how to take the dark ugly coal that we have had to dig through much blood, sweat and tears, perplexed with questions and unearth from our soul from the coal of pain diamonds of wisdom that hold within them the power of resurrection.
Gaining the understanding that when grief comes, like all things ” this too shall pass’, branding us with tender scars but, not without giving us the gift of a deeper faith. It is our faith in God in the middle of the uncontrollable events of life that becomes the rock that we hold onto. It is a extremely conflicting moment within when we come to the valley of decision to trust God when you feel betrayed, wounded, confused or even feel abandoned. Although, I have a ” religious” background I speak now from the “spiritual experience” I have had to face in my life that we all must come to the valley of our decision.
We are all spiritual eternal beings having a human temporary experience that we call life. I find comfort through those who have gone before us that have endured unsurmountable hardships and yet, have conquered against all odds accomplishing great things. One person who I look to is Jesus who used His life to accomplish a Divine destiny and to free those from the delusions of religious hypocrisy. Jesus was just a man, although He was the son of God in flesh, as it is written in the Bible He lived His life on the Earth just the same as you and I, He was born into this world as we were and He died just like we all will. Jesus knew He was born with a Divine destiny and purpose just as each of us are as well, which did not save him from experiencing deeply moving moments of grief, betrayal, confusion and pain. Let’s think about this for a moment, lets take away the “religious” super hero and look at Jesus, the man. Jesus was a man and yet, in all respects He was the Christ according to the Bible and Jesus was not spared grief to the point of being so confused that it would lead him to feel lost and doubt, crying and sweating blood in the darkest moments of His destiny. Here is a spiritual leader of His time and He was beat, spit on, brutalized, and carried His cross down the streets of Jerusalem just like any ordinary man. This human man had to drag the instrument of his own death which spiritually held all mankind’s grief that was written by the unseen hand of God.
As Jesus hung on that cross He experienced grief, doubt and even felt abandoned experiencing that moment that was all this pain worthy and was He mistaken about His own destiny. So many of us have experienced those moments in our lives where we all find ourselves in our deepest, darkest and distressful dark night of the soul sensing we are alone. The confusion we feel after we have given, prayed, trusted God, had faith and followed all the ” rules” when we are faced with grief lead us to a deeper understanding that faith and trust are very different in definition. I look at Jesus and his life because He is a factual person and the events of His life are verifiable. As Jesus hung on the cross He spoke very little, He insured that His mother was cared for, He cried out in front of his accusers and believers the question that expressed his great doubt in greatest moment of grief that He felt He was abandoned by His Heavenly Father God, and finally at the end withHis last breath Jesus held fast to His Divine purpose and vision by saying, ” Father forgive them for they know not what they do”.
Even Jesus this man had to see through his pain, sorrow, confusion and embrace His pain to trust God that the ordinary was powerful enough to become extraordinary and regain His vision and purpose for this undefinable grief. Studying even this most powerful life that performed such great acts of faith, still even at that moment of grief had to embrace his cross, pain and grief to regain a deeper and greater vision.
All of us have a Divine destiny and purpose, even Judas, we all have a part in this story we call life. Embracing our grief gives us the opportunity to see that there is a Divine purpose to life. We must learn to trust the plan of the Divine to see through the pain of our grief and take the hand of God as we walk through the valley where we will begin to see the lily’s along the way. It is a huge spiritual step of progress to realize that faith is not trust and surrender to God’s plans for our life even when it appears to us and feels as though we are being destroyed accepting that there is a purpose for everything.
When we begin to realize that in life we are given spiritual teachers that each one has a purpose to teach us something only it can and giving to us the gift only it carries. These teachers are not the ones with degrees hanging on their walls, or spiritual gurus or mentors which we all need spiritual support throughout our lives. These Divine teachers of grief, sorrow, forgiveness, brokenness, loss and joy, peace, love, faith and trust are all sent to us many times throughout our life. Our attitude is to be willing to embrace the teacher and learn the lesson which always leaves a gift. This is true spiritual growth and all the books, classes or studies one can do could never teach the soul these lessons. One may teach the mind but, it is the soul where we wrestle with God that we find true spiritual growth and wisdom.
So whatever you maybe facing today we must remember that the embracing the pain and accepting our grief teaches us to trust God. As Job aid, ” Though He slay me I will still love Him”, this is the ground that is tilled by our steadfast trust and tilled with our tears that will bring us spiritual wisdom and peace. As Job was blessed so we will be if we hold fast and remembering that ” This too shall pass and we will smile again”. @sks2018