Monthly Archives: April 2012
Being dishonest with myself gives my demons and past power over me (my mind, my soul and my body). Honesty starts deep within the heart and the mind of a person. We find ourselves living our lives fighting internal demons and external forces because we do not recognize that what we are avoiding is our own ability to be honest with ourselves. We search for new treatments and are counseled by psychological gurus, in numerous ways to find the cure to our ills. We come to the understanding after we have grown up into a person who learns to hide the truth and contain the past deep within ourselves. We are masters at disassociating our minds from the truth because of past experiences that have left us beaten down and robbed of our beliefs; joy and hope in those things that we thought were admirable, true and lovely.
We begin to reestablish the boundaries of what is right and wrong in our minds and based on these new principles that we have created to live in a state of denial and deep sadness we call this “freedom”. When in actuality, it is not true “freedom” that we have created but a place in our minds that allows us to be whom we want to be and act how we would like without judgment or consequences. No one really knows the person that we have truly become deep inside this dark cavern of sad conclusions. We go to extreme lengths to protect this “person” that we have created because it is the only “person” that can stand up for us that we think we trust.
We search and struggle to find a better way to free ourselves from our pasts and the settled conclusions of our denied reality but cannot seem to find them. Our past haunts us frequently, our present can be pleasant at time (usually when we are acting out in our “conjured reality”) and our future seems to grow dimmer each day.
We look at people and we judge them based on their levels of happiness according to our standards of how we would like to live to be happy. Not realizing that even behind their “reality” there may be lies and deceit as well. Our warped vision of truth that we are looking through like a pair of rose colored glasses blinds us and shows us a world that does not exist in truth.
How do we free ourselves from the things that drive us into our dark caverns of conclusion, our altered egos and our “make believe” personality? We have tried most of all the mind and body altering elements but have not found lasting relief. Short lived these “tricks” can bring comfort and a state of false pleasure that helps but never lasts, only leaving us to wake to the reality of the truth of our situations. How do we find true solace and a new beginning? Our hearts become greatly vexed and our minds sadly confused because the more we think on this very subject the more we are led back down the primrose path of our immediate releases.
Freedom from the pain, freedom from the past and we strongly want someone to give back to us the innocence of our youth. The ability to dream without it being stepped on like a bed of daisies plowed through by wild pigs randomly and without reason. The pain of losing our dreams causes us to look at dreams like window shoppers. Admiring their beauty but understanding that the possession of such things is ridiculous and sad. So in return our souls begin to lose their light. We move out little by little removing each piece of furniture and personal possession until our soul is left like an empty, cold and dark house. We sometimes come and visit but we do not see anything that reminds us of whom we are or use to be because all the personal possessions have been either covered or removed to insure that we minimize the painful experience.
Honesty…….. We hear words over and over again to the point our ears are numb to their value or comical syllables. Words such as healing, self help, positive thinking, the law of attraction, love, forgiveness, letting go of the past, potential, purpose, goals, hope, peace, God and the list continues on endless like a song that promises nirvana. But there is one word that cannot be avoided and is the deciding factor to all these other words. This particular and exclusive word creates the power within us to make all these beautiful words fall on the fertile ground of our minds which in turn connects to every part of our being. This word is HONESTY! It sounds too simple and almost ridiculous to think that out of the entire arsenal we buy and seek freedom that contains words that we hear this word is the key to every door.
We spend our lives being lied to, hurt, cheated, robbed and faked out by others that we actually begin to accept and believe that it does not matter anymore? If you can’t beat them join them. If we play their game by their rules it is our only viable chance of winning or at the very least saving our hides and remaining in some state of sanity. When really there is no sanity in acting insane to live with others or relate to them on their level in order to actually believe that it will give us relief. INSANE!
Finding our way back to honesty is a very personal and introspective journey. Before we can begin living honestly with men and before our Creator we must first become honest with ourselves. This is the key to understanding why we have ended up where we are now. With most of us it is more apparent to us and the world around us that where we are is not good and then others hide it very well. Either way it does not matter because the cure remains the same and the symptoms are evident, no matter how it is dressed, or where it lives or what kind of car it drives.
Self preservation is a very powerful human built-in mechanism and it is triggered when we begin to feel threatened physically, emotionally, psychologically and even financially. We begin to operate on these triggers and act out on the belief that the ends can justify the means at any cost, if necessary. We slowly lose sight of the lines of truth, reality and sanity. We fit right in with most circles because the world is so accustomed to this way of thinking and acting out that it is not an abnormality in fact, some are considered more successful than others based on their ability to perform just on this fact alone.
At the bottom of our self indulged pits and in the deepest corners of our well hewn dark caverns we find our lies and deceit guarding our past vigilantly. Our dishonesty gives our “demons power over us and keeps them in control of our lives. They may be subdued for small periods of time only to be unleashed by quiet simple triggers. It is at those moments that we find ourselves back in “our soup” and feeling remorseful or desperate. We believe that we have the right to our “vices” because no one understands “our” pain. We think that our pain is “special” and becomes our excuse for our actions. Our pain blinds us to their ability to slowly cook us in our self destructive “soup” again and again. We ask ourselves millions of questions, “Why do these things keep happening to me?” “Why do I keep picking these same relationships?” “Why do I keep failing?” “Why can’t I get motivated?”…. The questions torment us at night like a heckling nightingale.
What is even more amazing is the fact that if we continue down this conjured way of thinking and living we will have serious physical repercussions from it. Then that’s when the game takes on a new meaning and becomes life threatening because it is the deadly game of “Which comes first the chicken or the egg?” We must use certain “vices” prescriptive or not to give relief to the symptoms because we have a legitimate diagnosis. But the actual prognosis is that unless we deal with the disease or illness there is NO cure. Eventually, because we are living in a state of dishonesty and denial we will misuse the “vices’ that have been virtuously prescribed until we run into the wall of destruction. The destruction affects not only us personally but, everyone around us.
How can we break the cycle of this insanity and apprehend the power of our lives again? Is it really possible for people to change? If I change will my situation change? Can I stop the hurting and remove the painful past? Do I have the ability to create a new life and a new future?
It may feel that you have created so much damage that it is impossible to “fix” it. It is true we cannot change the past but, we do have the power to change the future. Being honest with ourselves takes care of the question “Can I be honest with others?” This does not mean we will not make mistakes or fall back into an old habit. Habits take time to create and will take some time to break. Bad habits are those new beliefs that we have decided to accept because they either made life easier or helped us fit in and get what we wanted. So if we are willing to change how do we do this? Do read more books, go to more meetings, pray more, or do more good deeds? All these acts of kindness are wonderful and there is not one of them that will not help you in some positive way. But the actual change must start internally and its work will create the change from the inside out.
Here are three important words….. Are you ready?
Honesty ~ Choices ~ Pray
Being honest with yourself on a daily basis and taking an internal inventory of your thoughts and actions. What is your motivation? Be completely honest with yourself and do not use excuses to lighten the load or lessen the
pain. Coming to the complete and total reality that dishonesty is the demon that holds the prison door shut in your mind and keeps you from changing and attaining a new future.
Once you have come to the realization that honesty is the key to the prison door then you must learn to make choices. The right choices bring benefits the wrong choices bring consequences. Your path is lined with choices and every moment is defined by them. So if you are truly honest with yourself about your thoughts and motivation then you have the ability to make the right choice. Now I will say that this is where the rubber hits the road because making the right choice may not “feel good” or “look good” at the moment. But feelings are like children they must be supervised if they should get out of control they can actually cause a lot of damage. So in order to make the right choice honesty is an intellectual decision that strikes the match for the process to begin.
The problem we have with making the right choice is many times when we are at that particular place and moment in time we may have great pain or the lure of seduction that triggers these immensely strong emotions that we have become so familiar with that they can actually feel like our best friends that moment the thought of living without them can be devastating and questionable. I am sure we have all known people in our lives that we know appeared to be our best friends but, the truth is that they not only use us and in the end we found out that our best interests was the furthest thing from their minds. That’s exactly how these emotions that trigger our desires operate. They are deceitful friends that their only mission is to get what they want which is to destroy you and your ability feel whole and have a purposeful life.
The power of choice is a great gift and considered so important that your Creator gave it to you and will not infringe on your ability to make it. Your ability to make choices is what determines the path you create and the journey you undertake in this life. God cannot and will not make your choices for you. Choice has the ability to attract or distract. It can make the sublime magnificent or the average a diabolical nightmare. The power is in your mind to create your world and it all begins with a choice. What you allow to drive your ability to make your choices is very important. The negative influences of our past and present can only make choices based upon familiarity. To change our lives we must begin to make choices based on the positive outcome and the benefits that it will bring. Holding on to your past and the choices you make are so interconnected that’s why we seem to continue to repeat the same events in our lives. We acknowledge the past and the painful events of our lives these occurrences cannot change. We do not have to live the rest of our lives reliving our past because we continue to make choices based on the painful events of our lives. Pain is inevitable every human being experiences pain it can be a very powerful teacher if we will allow ourselves to learn from it. There is pain in the world that is horrific and things that happen that are not justifiable on any level. The pain I am speaking of is personal pain, the pain that keeps you paralyzed or Dejavu pain. If I make a choice to do a certain action because I am afraid and I have experienced something in my past that has caused me pain then I must be honest with myself and realize that I am making my choice based on a negative experience that is being driven by the negative emotion of fear. This is in turn will bring about a negative choice which will domino into a rippling effect of negativity in my life. Think of every choice like a stone that is dropped into calm waters this stone is going to create an energy ripple that is going to affect your life. If we desire change we must realize that honesty is the fertile soil that we plant the seeds of our choices into.
Now for the word pray…… The act of prayer is calling on God to give you the strength to overcome, to withstand the desire to make wrong choices and the to ask for the strength to make the right ones. Prayer is not only the word we use as our communication with God but it is a tool that helps us to connect to God and receive His grace and power in moments of weakness or confusion to know what action to take to bring about the positive effect. Prayer also clarifies our mind and heals our soul it removes the scales from our eyes in order that we may see the truth and based on honesty we can evaluate our behavior and thoughts in a new light. The one key that is vital in being honest with yourself is accepting the truth. We must own the truth that is revealed to us accept it with an open mind and an honest heart. When making the right choice there are many times we must pray to ask God to help us see the truth vividly and ask for strength to accept the truth without excuse or compromise. God is fully capable if we are completely wiling.