Darkness vs. Light

Darkness vs. Light

I don’t fear the darkness as I did when I was a child anymore

There are no monsters that lay waiting under my bed at night

The monsters no longer hide in the darkness they are everywhere

It is the light that I fear the most now

To see what I don’t want to see

The light has no imaginations

Whatever it shows you is real

The darkness can seem kinder in that way because it is usually just thoughts

Most of which are emotions blown out of proportion

Oh! But the Light !!!!!….it has no mercy and it does not take into account anything

It can be abrupt

It can be harsh

It can be painful

Although, the light will bring healing or wisdom

Where as the darkness just leads us into exceptions that we can accept to avoid pain

The light will set you free

Only if you accept it with an open heart

The darkness on the other hand will always keep you blind as long as you are willing to stay

To be free we must own what the light shows us

Own it all!

Accept it and be responsible for it come what may !

The light will show you the way…. It will free you in ways you may not understand or even conceive

I choose the light knowing that there is always a bit of darkness lurking inside me

Some days it is not easy

Some days the light does not win

Some days I am neutral

Some days I bow down to the light

This delicate balance I must maintain is cumbersome at times

But, I will awake again

Weighing out the scales in all that I do for the day

Seek the light

Know your darkness

Release your fear

Accept the truth

Find your healing

You are not alone!


Life is one big experiment, one learning curve to another, one mistake after another, revelation leading to another, being broken to be repaired, getting lost then being found, shedding and deaths only to being transformed and rebirth. Mostexperiences transform into branded memories in our mind that replay repeatedly without permission, while other memories are lost somewhere into a sea of forgetfulness.

Most of us wake up in this lucid dream years later under the “big top”, of unpredictability seeking for     “ things” that we believe will lead us back to home.  Like unconscious nomads we will sooner or later find ourselves wandering in this wonderous unmapped terrain without a clue why we are here and what is the meaning of our life. Trying to connect the dots and make logical sense to our journey, in hope that we can find our truth and story. We come crying into this bright light of life as seekers learning who we are by being taught to “be acceptable” and then we learn who others are in our relationships that who project their ideas that are nothing more than their faults, confusion, brokenness, wisdom, and truth ( not ours ) onto us.  These are our teachers of life and now looking back at them we can see clearly we have attained their essence, ( not ours ).

When we were children we would run, play and pretend until one day we “ grow up “, and don’t even realize we have lost ourmagic and mystical imagination in a dark fog that lays beyond the shores of our innocent laughter and “ make believe “ yet, the echoes ache in or hearts.  As we “ grow up ”, meaning we physically get older and lose those powers that enforce the true essence of our being.  Now we long for what we do not have and have so much of what we do not want.  We surrender our imaginative seekings for constant desperate longings, striving more each day to reach some invisible pinnacle of achievementseeking accolades, acceptance and security.  Each time we conquer a test or trial we grip tightly all our trophies that we have won through our hard work and sacrifice. Not having the life experience to see that the faster we run the less time we have.  The ultimate conquest and final notice is we all will arrive at the same destination sooner or later. The more we travel on the path of life, the more we realize that work is endless plowing of the field and sacrifice is many times a wound that never heals.Bleeding out at times to the point that we grapple of struggling to find the strength to get up and start again.  So many, “ doovers “, like children when we learned that we could always begin again without consequences but, now our “ do overs “ cost us time, tears, loved ones, relationships, money, dreams and even home”.  All the things we believed as children have become faded, distorted, stolen and untrue departing from our thoughts as nothing more than fairy tales. Time passes by and we find ourselves in a place that we are not familiar with,surrounded by those we don’t know anymore. Our life and soulcracks open if we are fortunate, to reveal that everything we thought we were is but, a white washed shell of others ideas, desires, beliefs and faults.

Infamous is the day that we are shattered into so many pieces that our unrecognizable soul lays prostrate in the burning ashes and slivered chards of what is left of what we were.  Birth is beautifully painful and yet, death bites us without warning striking its venomous poison deep rotting us from the  inside outleaving us alone. As time passes our these fragile finite bodies collect the beautiful, loving, truth, happy, sad, ugly, broken and empty ingredients for our life recipe.   Little do we know that one day we will be seated at the table that we have built and find ourselves eating the very meal we have created by ourselves.

We find ourselves seeking for something familiar and we start to sense a strange, sweet pain that whispers to our soul.  Home becomes a deep secret that we keep protected in our hearts that can be triggered by the smells of baked cookies, crisp soft sheets, music, playmates, being held or not being held, sneaking outside, the visions of freedom unrestrained and living days of discovering the first times of our lives.

So many of us reach a point in our lives that we long for home, and as strange as that may sound because we have had many homes already in our life.  But, there is this place in our soul that calls to us, “ find home!”.  We search for a place to land from our weary travels and rest ourselves from the battles we have faced and loss we have incurred.  Seeking that sacred sanctuary where we can go to knowing that it is “ ours “, a dwelling that cannot be lost or taken one more time from us.  To not have to worry that home is not connected to who we are living with or that it can be even split apart.  Home!  Our home!  That place we can always go to that we belong to and belongs to us, and no onhas any rights to it, but us.  We can stay as long as we want and if we decide to leave it, we can lock the doors without any keys for others who can come and go as they please.  How beautiful is this place that we search for that we can go into and lock the doors and lock the world out, if we so choose.

What does your home look like?  If you could build this place of safety and refuge what colors would you use? How would youdecorate this special place and if there were no restraints financially or provisionally what would you build?   Now I can feel my imagination stirring within me like a child who has been given their first box of crayons, so many colors and each one makes me feel a certain way.  Yes, I think I will color a house on the top of a beautiful green hill with a bright red front door, a large tree, a swing and deep green grass. A beautiful blue sky some white clouds, a big bright yellow sun with rays of orange shooting out and I think I will put a smiling face in it so that it I will remember to smile every time I see it. 

Many of us feel like we are prisoners to places that we live because, so we have many outside circumstances that control our lives.  We realize that we have created in this prison our position of being enslaved to our fear of loss.  There were times in our lives before that we can look back in our past that we stepped out, jumped ship, and took the risks to free ourselves from or prison.  Pain has the ability to push us to the edge whether it be the threshold or standing on a cliff awakening to the sound of crumbling ground behind our heels.  Like a bird that takes flight from being startled, we jump and pray that we fly or at least land in one piece.  Fear can only hold those who will not accept the truth about their soul’s true condition and see how depraved their lives have become living on the crumbs for so long that their pain and hunger creates a tormenting desperation that they can no longer live with.  How self-destructive to wake up every day to only realize you are living to just barely sustaining your life. Learning the skill of managing your life with a wounded soul, faded dreams, broken trust, unloyalty, and dealing with the deep emotionally physical damage, collecting medicinal bottles to ease your sicknesses, ailments or worse.  It is unfathomable how the soul will go to any lengths to survive and if the soul cannot accomplish this it,will employ our mind in order that we can maintain and disassociate from the parasitic tentacles that are draining us of our time, energy, health and hope.   

We each have our unique path, like our blueprint and we areindividually are in different places on our journey but, one thingfor sure we will all experience these feelings whether you may admit it or keep it as a deep secret. We are all human, although, I have met a few people that I have wondered about. The most loyal act you can do for yourself is to listen to your soul. So many of us drown out our truthful authentic souls voice for many reasons but, it is your soul that knows the truth and not just the truth but, your emancipating powerful truth. Maybe itstime to get quiet, find a sacred space and take the time to be loyal to yor soul. We spend so much of our lives and energy being loyal to our jobs, our family, our significant other and friends. Exhausting so much of ourselves to keep the peace or stay in the good graces of “ life “. All the time we are doing this very thing we find ourselves sad, miserable, discontent or very disconnected with a loss of inner peace. We will have moments in our lives that we will need to take an emotional, physical and spiritual inventory in order that we can bring balance back into our lives. This inventory may create chaos that will have to be faced courageously and other times it maybe just a little change that will bring equilibrium back. We have been trained to avoidsuffering at all costs, to skirt any pain if we can. In truth, it is pain and suffering that brings the truth and answers that we seek so many times. It is at those times we need to learn to sit down with our pain and ask what does this pain need? What is it saying to me? Maybe, your pain is the fear of loss? So much of our lives are built around the fear of loss, we will do so much to keep things intact. Many of those things we do will cost us and the price is very high but, hindsight is 20/20. Can you sit with your pain, suffering, loss, betrayal, confusion and anger long enough to have yours opened? It will take courage and I am not suggesting it will be easy but, I will tell you that it is the only way to find the truth about what you need to know to overcome these battles. It is not our light that we fear but, our darkness and we all have our dark caves that we must learn to excavate if we long to transform our pain into our power. It is our deep inner guru that awaits in the dark caves of truth calling to you, “ come home!”

Resonating the Power of Change

There are some things that are always present ….
it’s in those things that one will find the truth that they are searching for. One cannot find the truth in change, although it is true, everything is constantly changing.
There are powerful resonances that are always present and they are vibrating all around us at different frequencies, such as –

To find the truth about our individual existence of who we are , our soul identity we must seek the things that are unchangeable….. There is a “ space” of all that exists, we are in that space and space that “IS”…. it is the present! In this “ present” space there are the resonsting forces where these higher energies exist. We are not this body.
We are not the “ person”.
We are not even truly “ human”.
We are only using these gifted vehicles to animate our soul.
These things that we experience and use everyday are only the tools that help us exist in this world, this frequency, this vibration and this perceivable light.
Not the light as we know it but, the Light of God!
One day the body will die and we will know the truth in a split second!

Are we just a brain that thinks?
A body that moves?
A heart the beats?
A mouth that speaks?


Do we possess the use of these things and so much more?
Yes!!!!!!! Without doubt!

To know the “ mind”!
The soul!
The frequency of inaudible sound
The vibration of movement that is stillness
The light that creates vision without sight

Close your eyes, listen to your mind …
If the body fails will you lose this ?
Can you speak with yourself?
Can you think?
We are your your memories? Are they only in your brain?
When you die what do you think happens?
Will your mind be non existent?
Are you eternal? Are you more ?
Think about it!
Energy transforms but never disappears!
You can see a wooden chair, sit in a chair and know that it is a chair …….
If we burn the chair and it goes up in smoke and ashes is it gone?
No! It still exists in another form of energy!
Before it was a chair it was a tree! !

We have been taught to fix our problems or create by “ doing things” … by using energy!
It, the question is if you use the same energy will you get the same results ultimately? By using the same frequency, vibration and light that helped create problems and created the ideas in our mind will not manifest our find solutions to these issues. The same energy, frequency, vibration will not work! We must rise up to those resonances that attract. create and manifest.

We have been told about parallel universes
But, we also have parallel energiyic fields and different levels of connection;

Sound light

Think of getting in an elevator and going to a different floor this is very much the same.
Most people want change or they want to fix the way their life is from the outside in.
By moving geographically, using substances, making more money, find a new relationship, job, seeking out self help or knowledgeable books, seminars and etc…
these are helpful but not sustainable if we cannot connect to the energy to manifest them.

All these avenues may “ relieve” some problems temporarily. Much like a dog who is getting his stomach scratched …. once it’s over – it’s over. These changes operate in the same energiesthat they were birthed into your mind or life, and can only lead to more or different problems in that frequency ( or floor). This is a prison of living in an illusion …. you cannot change a problem with the very same ( frequency, vibration and light) that created it. Never going to happen!

It is very much like the saying, “ Where ever you go there you are “.

To truly change your life it must not change from a horizontal connection to a vertical one. One must ascend, rise up, transform its energies, ….. we have many “ words” for this change spiritual process many call enlightenment.
This is the ONLY way!
In fact, like energies attract like energies much like a magnet… but that same energy will push away all the other energies that you may seeking but are not alike. There is no connectivity.

Connectivity is the process… The KEY!

Now I have been around long enough to realize that there are a lot of people that cannot seem to break cycles in their lives. This is the reason why! Their energies resonate and draw other energies that are the same. People may come and go but.. in relationships one may find they have found the same person just a bit different. They will find themselves in the same energy trap!

I could continue on so much deeper on this revelation but …. I will save it!

So the question remains “ How do I raise my vibration, frequency and emit more light? “
“ How do I change my life?”
We are assuredly tired of dealing with same issue over and over!
This change must occur from the inside out!
Through those parts of your being that create those energies….
Your “ mind” ( not brain)!
In fact science now we have 2 brains! Imagine that!
We all have 2 hearts….
one is your organic heart and the other is your energetic heart
Through your energetic heart,
the sound that you emit through your vibrations of your soul and spirit.
These are the magnets, the language and the power of the Universe!

We should learn the practices of energy… we can’t just do positive thinking, or intentions and etc…. this is not enough!
Especially, in these dark energy times!
Yes these are helpful momentarily, but if not empowered by our connection they are limited and short lived.

This is not so hard as it is being so committed.
There are many ways that we can connect to a higher dimension of these realities.
Prayer 🙏 is a great one…. to pray is to focus your “ mind” on a higher Person/Power. Entering into a sacred room in your mind.
Meditation does the same thing.
These practices and others release from this “ illusion of reality” and free us up yo outwardly connect with higher energies.
It does not happen overnight and we will fall back at times. It is like learning to walk the higher up the “ elevator” we go the more results we will see and encounter in our lives.
Our answers can be found in those dimensions not…. in others but yours only!

Think about it! What do want to attract?
What do want to stop attracting?
What level is your dream on ?
Maybe that’s why they say “ chase” your dreams? Lol!


Are you awake?
Are you sure ?
Are you facing who you are ?
Have you seen yourself as the observer?
Does who you think you are resonate with others?
What if you discovered you were not awake?
What if you are experiencing your life in a state of self induced slumber to silence the words you don’t want to hear and blindness to keep you from seeing the things you do not want to see?
How would you know if you are in a state of delusion? Would you believe it if anyone told you ? Would you even entertain it if it could bring about the ability to grasp that part of yourself that eluded you that only you know?
What if you woke up and found that years have been spent living in a slumber?
Would you feel betrayed? Sad? Angry?
How would you know?
Unless some powerful unseen force brought you to the place of no return and gave you a glimpse?
Who would you be awake?
What would you do?
Are you comfortable?
Do you feel that you have reached a place where your past has taught you how to live in your present and predict your future?
What if I told you the past does not exist?
Only in your mind!
What if your past is wrong?
What if the way you believe about your past is distorted?
What if you don’t know?
If you say immediately “ No!”
Then you may be defensive to protect your realization that is not willing to be put to the test!
Being asleep is comfortable and we do not want to be disturbed!
It’s disturbing isn’t it? To think that you could be asleep while you are awake!
It’s disturbing when you feel that all that you have learned and gathered may need to be reevaluated.
Are you disturbed by this idea?
What if I told you that when wake up everything changes! You change!
The world changes!
You see what could not see
You hear what you could not hear
You have become conscious
It is sad you live your live in a dream and never know
Never realize that you can wake up
Are you awake?
There are many things that could cause you to slumber your soul
Grief, anger, betrayal, disappointment, loss, rage, depression, sadness, abuse, loneliness, control, trauma, ……. etc… etc…..
It is easy fir many see others who seem to be in a slumber and yet, we may think we are awake?
Seeing others in a state does not mean you are on the outside looking in
It could mean you are very well on the inside observing
You may say, “ I know myself!”
I say “ What if you think you do but, are still asleep?”
You can only wake up if you start to ask “ Am I asleep?”

The Sacrifice of Tears

The Sacrifice of Tears

Don’t give away your tears

for those who do not deserve them

Others will steal them away if you are not careful !

My child, don’t you understand the power of your tears?

It is so much easier to laugh or smile

But, crying is not like that

It takes much more to cry!

Crying takes so much courage.

We’re you taught that crying was a bad thing or something to avoid ?

Pain is unavoidable but, it is not evil

Pain creates room for My Spirit to come in and transform it into something beautiful l, if you allow

Why would you do that and what a great struggle within to fight the power of tears from flowing

It is a gift from Me to you

It is natural and healing

Tears will wash away the ashes from the altar of sacrifice

Let it go!

It’s not ugly, weak, pitiful, or even useless to cry

It is one of the most beautiful acts of love you have been given

Don’t let anyone or anything tell you something different !

Crying is so beautiful and just the sound of a tear drop can silence angels

What kind of prayers are these?

What sound is this that flows from your soul?

Angels long to know!

Open up the flood gates My child and let it go

Let the river of poetic Divine silence flow freely

I hear you!

I understand every tear

It is not a useless act

It is a sacrifice of truth and love to be recognized

Don’t let anyone steal your tears

Don’t let your heart turn cold or become hard like stone

Water your soul!

It is these priceless tears that create masterpieces on My garden

Springtime where there is a harsh brutal lWinter

Light where there is darkness

Fire where there is ice

Life where there is death

How beautiful is this sacrifice of tears?

Can you capture the sunset and put it in a bottle?

Can you put the sea into a well?


Of course not!

Then how could I tell you in any language you could understand or music that could move your soul how beautiful they are?

Don’t let anything take your tears away

It is your precious tears that draw Me so close to your soul!

This is the door that is always open

This is the power that moves mountains and casts them into the sea

There is not a single thought or word that contains the eternal qualities of your tears

Cry! My child ……

Let us speak with one another face to face


The Mystery

The Sacrifice of Tears

Mary Mary How Does Your Garden Grow?

It is the power of pain that discovers healing

It is the tears that discover the power of joy

It is loneliness that discovers love

It is the sun that discovers the moon

It is the darkness that discovers the light

It is the winter that discovers spring

It is life that discovers death

We are just here experiencing the power of discovery!

Life is a journey to discover who you are.

You are not this body

You are not your things

You are not your status

You are not your pain

You are not your family

You are not what can be seen

You are not what can be felt

All these things will pass away!

Don’t get to the end of this journey to discover that you were misled

All that glitters is not gold

All the experiences you have encountered or endured are meant to teach you how to cultivate love even in the harshest winters!

If you can learn how to cultivate love using the painful experiences of your life …… You will see the miraculous power of transforming pain into beauty!

It is in the darkness of our garden, deep in the soul of our soil we discover the golden rule of who we truly are!

“Mary Mary How does your garden grow? “

The God Reality

The discovery and knowledge of GOD is a constant force on our journey. We are constantly turning over new rocks and seeing things we never have seen or knew before on our path. God is not a religion and does not belong to anyone or any religion. The more we allow ourselves to investigate, explore and venture into the reality that God IS! God can be everywhere and everything. The Bible is a guide not an alibi. God speaks! God has spoken! Do you hear? Can you see? We can trust God, trust Gods words but, God cannot be held hostage to anyone’s idea. Telling God what to do because we think we are entitled doesn’t work. That’s like trying to command the sea and the wind because you hold a compass standing on a ship? I have found that God is Infinite and mysterious. The more I dig into this garden of the Creator called Life, the more I can see that I can only confront and remove my blindness by acknowledging my entitlements, letting go of the rules and regulations and accepting myself and God ( with all my questions ). The more I realize the less I know or understand!!! God is wonder leading us into the unknown. The more we seek we find ourselves climbing into a well only to fall into the ocean. I must confess that this journey starts out wanting to apprehend God but, ends in only being apprehended. What you allow yourself to see without fear will lead you away from everything you understand. It is here in this place where you will experience God as a vast Universe. All the ” things or places” we consider or call sacred are for ” us”. Places of connection and doorways not, appointments, meetings or rituals. Don’t be afraid to follow what you believe beyond the restraints of fear that others call ” safe, appropriate and theologically correct”. This is your path – if where you are isn’t working then it only makes sense to keep traveling. You are not doing anyone including God service by sitting in a tree that bears fruit that others gather. Have you gathered any fruit? Maybe it’s time to find a basket and go seeking bbeyond the tree.


The Abandoned Soul

We all may ask ourselves “ How do I truly heal those deep hidden wounds?” And we may ask ourselves,” How can I go back and change the past, if I could?”

And we may ask ourselves,” Who am I truly if, I could remove all the memories that haunt me?”

If we had the chance, ONE opportunity of truly finding the answers we so desperately needed, if we could have a moment in time that could of helped us avoid all the pain of our lives and if we could change our “ selves” now and retrieve back our genuine authenticate truth and unscathed innocence in order that we could see life through a child’s eyes again, what could we do? Who would we be? Surely this is not at all possible, is it? What’s done is done! Right?

But, if our soul is eternal and does not age according to what we call “ time” but, experience maybe it could be possible to reconnect ourselves together again.

We could be whole again! Who would we be if we could? How would we change? In some ways it would almost be considered drinking from the fountain of our souls youth.

There is an abandoned wounded infant crying at the door to your heart. Hear the baby crying? Open the door! Look down see into that innocent child’s eyes that stare back at you so helplessly.

That infant is you, there you are laying wrapped in a blanket waiting for love, waiting for security and looking at you for willingness? Will you take the baby in? Will you hold yourself every so gently? Allow the child to suckle from your heart? Staring into each other’s eyes the magic begins and your soul connects! You can once again hear your soul from the eyes of your infant self and you begin to talk to each other with unspoken words. One looks into the future and yet, the same One looks into the past all at once. Each looking for answers to their questions. What do you say to the infant of your soul now that you know – what you know now? Can you change the past by healing the soul of your “ self” in a place where time is not a factor. Can your child soul give back to you your innocence, your dreams, your faith and the love you had before you ever were wounded? Take the time to tell your “ self” all the beautiful moments and things about life you love and then listen as your child’s soul reminds you of what you use to love, as well.

Putting the pieces back together in your puzzle of life, deep within your soul in order to heal, retrieve and connect yourself again is in your hands. We live our lives constantly looking at a puzzle that is not finished trying to find the pieces. Yet, while only “ time” can provide the pieces we need to complete this puzzle we must find the lost pieces, as well. It is a frustrated and wounded soul that continues to attempt to finish the puzzle without knowing this. What if you could change some of these pieces in order to change the picture? Could this possible? Life is about perception, not time or even really experience. “ All things are possible!” Step out of your box!

I hear a baby crying at your door what will you do? Will you choose to go on about your life and ignore the crying of your soul? Or will you open the door and retrieve what has been abandoned? The choice is yours – this is your puzzle, your picture and your soul. The opportunity to heal your “ self” is waiting….. Could you? Would you?

Sonya Spellerberg


There are moments in life when we all get the key …….. use it!

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